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nonexistent-introvert · 2 years ago

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Only love can hurt like this

Pairing: Stephen Strange x F!Reader (Max, replace with any name u like)

Summary: In order to save him, she had to place a curse on herself

Word count: 2.1k

Warnings: Hanahaki disease, angst, blood, unrequited love

A/N: Here you guys go. Sorry for the angst, if it wasn’t clear enough this is set after the events in MoM. I hope you guys like it and feel free to comment abt what you think. I’ll take this time to ask a genuine question, since my stories are mostly in third person, would yall be ok if i just keep using the name Max but yall feel free to replace it with anyth.

Max clutched onto her chest, wheezing and coughing onto the ground as blood spilled from her lips. Falling helplessly to the ground the moment she managed to stumble into her own private quarters.

“I love you in every universe.”

The words replayed in her head, like an endless loop despite the pain she was going through. For all she knew, it was making the pain worse as her heart beat against her rib cage and Max felt her head constrict at every beat, her ears ringing In pain. She laid on the ground, blood splattered all over her floors that she couldn’t be bothered to clean knowing that the fits were coming in more often and soon her floors would be even more stained with blood. Her breathing erratic, she clenched her jaw in pain. Why must she have heard that line?

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The curse settled in too quickly for Max’s own liking. Not that she had taken the time to research chaos magic but how quickly it settled in almost proved how one sided her love for Stephen was.

“You know it won’t come for free.” Max nodded, “He’s going to die Agatha. I can’t allow that.” Agatha scoffed slightly, “This isn’t a fairytale Max, if I perform this curse, it would not be a happy ending.” Max thought back to Stephen’s weakened state, hanging on by a thread in the sanctum when he was hit with a deadly blow. Poison seeping in his veins slowly killing him and no one could figure out how to save him. Max swallowed the lump in her throat at the sight. “Just do it Agatha. You’re the only one who would do this to me without questioning that much” Agatha stepped forward, her fingers gracing her cheek lightly. “All this? For a man. Such a waste Max.” Agatha’s fingers moved in a pattern. “For Stephen’s Strange life, you would agree to die a painful death slowly if you have feelings for Stephen and these feelings are not returned”

“I agree.” Max agreed immediately, she got hit with a painful blast. Coughing violently before blinking, it didn’t hurt as much as she thought it would. “The curse is in you. Seal it with a kiss to that doctor and the curse will be in effect.” Max nodded before disappearing through a portal.

When everyone was asleep that day, she gently pressed a kiss to him and Max saw the veins on his hands that turned black from the poison slowly disappear. His breathing evening out , he sucked in a breath and bolted upright. Max wiped her lips immediately, clearing her throat and with a hand clutched against her chest from the curse becoming effective. She smiled, “you’re back.”

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Max stepped back into the sanctum. “Dinner is ready.” Wong smiled, it was rare that they would have dinner together considering how all of them were busy. Max saw Stephen sitting in his blue robes at the dining table, she clutched onto her chest subconsciously, awaiting the pain that would come. “I-I’m fine. I ate before.” She excused, cursing slightly at her hoarse voice as she felt the blood rising in her throat already.

“You sound terrible.”

“Just a bad day.” Stephen stood up from his seat, his doctor persona overcoming him. Max flinched away when he was near her, from the pain that was slowly bothering her and also from his prying eyes. She did not need a medical diagnosis now. “I’ll go to sleep first.” Max fake yawned, smiling politely before rushing back to her quarters.

“Did I do something wrong?” Stephen questioned, Wong shrugged. “She’s been rather distant after I assisted her help to save the multiverse.” Stephen explained. “Maybe she’s just exhausted. She’s been looking rather weak these days .”Wong simply replied which sparked even more of a concern from Stephen.

Max fell to the ground, her knees getting scraped by the hard wooden floor. Her body bent over as she let out retches, her stomach felt like it was flipping inside out but nothing came out except for blood. Max felt herself getting dizzy at the amount of blood lost and the headache from each violent cough. “Fuck fuck fuck” Max cursed, the pain only got worse as days passed, she thought of just ending the pain, the suffering but deep down, she felt that it was being unfair to the people who truly cared about her. Then her thoughts gravitated towards him again and another fit overcame her.

Stephen stood outside her room, a plate of of food in his hands. He knocked lightly, “Max, there was some leftovers and I doubt you ate much so come and have some.” He shouted through her door. Max didn’t respond, he sighed. “If I did anything wrong Max, I’m sorry but I’m genuinely concerned for your- please, can we talk?” he pleaded through the door. His cloak nudged him a little, he clicked his tongue in annoyance at it but his hands found the doorknob anyways. “I’m coming in.” He called out.

The sight that greeted him turned his blood cold. Max was sprawled out on the floor, clearly unconscious next to a disturbingly large amount of blood. Traces of dried up blood on her chin and her hands were covered with smudged blood. “Max!” He called out, quickly falling to his knees to help her. His cloak helped carried her to her bed where he assessed her for any injuries. Contemplating a little at undressing her but decided that it was the only way to tell if the damage was because of any injuries. His eyebrows furrowed at the veins that were bulging through her chest near her heart, that definitely wasn’t normal. His fingers gently traced the veins and it revealed the flower that was formed with the veins on her heart, when his fingers pressed against it. Max shot up and pushed his hands away. Taking quick breaths, although Max felt that barely any oxygen made it to her lungs. “Max, I was-” “Fuck off Stephen” Max gritted out. Her heart clenching at her cold attitude towards him. “You’re not ok Max. Let me help-” He replied stubbornly. “You’re only-” Max crawled to the floor before a mouthful of blood escaped her. She groaned in pain, almost screaming at how tight her heart felt, as though it was about to combust. Stephen’s eyes then caught sight of the multiple ancient books on her desk, his heart dropped. Witchcraft. “You made a deal with a witch didn’t you?”He questioned, his brain rushing for any spells to help ease her pain. “Stephen” She moaned, pointing to the door. “Not the time please, I- you’re making the pain worse.” Stephen frowned in concern but stood up to leave anyways. He stood outside the closed door, “Is this helping?” he asked. “A little” She grunted. A series of violent coughs escaped her and Stephen turned his back, almost running into the library.

“Witchcraft.” He repeated in his mind. Wong jumped when the sorcerer barged into the library looking distressed. “Whats wrong?” Wong asked, Stephen pulled a book out, his words coming out at an impossible speed that Wong almost couldn’t catch what he was saying. When the words finally clicked in his mind, the sorcerer supreme’s heart dropped for his close friend. “Stephen. There’s nothing we can do.” He placed a hand on Stephen’s shoulder. Stephen ignored him, “Anything can be solved. There must be-”

“Stephen,” Wong made Stephen look at him.

“The deal she made, the flower, if she’s already experiencing the effects that means her only recovery method has been long gone.” Stephen frowned, “So there is a recovery method. We just need-” “There is nothing we can do about unrequited feelings Stephen!” Wong shouted, trying to knock some sense into the sorcerer before him. “Unrequited?” Stephen muttered. Wong nodded, taking in a sharp breath. “Hanahaki disease. It was known to be fictional for a long time, the person suffering supposedly would cough up flowers but that’s a myth, they would essentially be coughing up blood, or losing blood every single day through the most painful ways and they would finally die when they reach the day where they run out of blood to cough out and the heart stops beating.” Stephen’s eyes studied Wong. Wong wiped the tears forming in his eyes, “Only a witch is capable of inducing that disease but it usually is the price for a life or death deal. For reviving or prolonging someone’s time. This disease comes from unrequited feelings because for the dying or dead person to overcome their fate of death, Max's heart would have to beat for them so if Max’s heart is beating for someone whose heart didn’t belong to her, the heart would eventually get tired and give up. The more Max witnesses that it’s one sided or the more her feelings grow for that person, the weaker she gets. The only cure is for the person to love her back but we all know that we can’t control who we fall for.” “Idiot. A fucking Idiot. Did she think this was a fairytale she was living in?” Stephen scolded, his hands running through his hair. “Who’s the person she stupidly did this for?” Stephen asked, Wong could tell Stephen was breaking down on the inside despite the calm facade he kept on. Wong flinched, if Stephen said that Max said that Stephen was making the pain worse. The person she is suffering so much for could only be the man before himself.

“I don’t know” Wong replied instead.

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“He’s fine. Keeping himself busy, he checks on you at ungodly hours, when you don’t notice. He doesn’t want to make your condition worse but he doesn’t know he’s the cause of it all.” Max put on a weak smile. Wong’s heart pained for his friend, her cheeks were hollow, her face pale , eyes swollen from the lack of sleep. She looked like she already had a foot in the grave. “I don’t have much time Wong. I- my body is threatening to shut down anytime and when my body fails to repair itself when I’m unconscious… I want you to give him this.” Max passed Wong a letter. The letter had Stephen’s name scrawled on it, Drops of blood decorated the letter. Wong swallowed, “I’ll take care of him.” Max smiled, “I know you will. Please don’t let him bury himself in guilt.”

Stephen,

You’ll be happy to know that you’re right all along. I’m a hopeless romantic, an idiot you would say. To die knowing that the person I love doesn’t love me back is cruel, but in a weird twisted way, it’s romantic because I know he will continue on living his life. Knowing that he isn’t six feet under is a strange comfort.

This curse is placed on me because I made the deal. I made it so that you could survive so I hope you don’t waste that chance away, don’t bury yourself in guilt , smile and be smug knowing that despite all my insults thrown at you, I would die for you. The pain, only love could hurt like this.

To be honest, I hate hope. When she placed the curse on me telling me that it wouldn’t affect me if you returned my feelings. I hate that I went in telling myself that I would be fine, maybe you do like me and I trusted in that, until the effects came in, and I lived everyday with the pain, a painful reminder of the truth. But I don’t blame you, because now even as I am dying and barely having enough energy to do anything, I’m sitting here writing this letter with the last of my strength, telling you to take care of yourself and live your life.

I love you Stephen, and you don’t need to be sorry. We can’t choose who we fall for, just know that I would be there for you no matter what.

Lets see each other again someday

Max, your hopeless idiot.

Stephen’s hands shook. Tears running freely from his face as he sat by her bedside. Her body next to his, the Heart Rate Monitor at a slow pace, threatening to come to a stop at any second. He buried his face in his hands as he sobbed.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t notice sooner, please. I have so much yet to tell you.” He held onto her hand when the heart Monitor started flatlining, a sudden few beats in between the line. Stephen weeped, leaning over her cold body as he placed a shaky kiss onto her forehead.

“I love you too, I’m sorry I took too long.”

“If I see you again, I won’t waste any time anymore.” He promised before leaving the room. Trying his best to keep it together, to not fall into a destructive behaviour.

He missed the pattern on the heart rate monitor as the flat line slowly turned into a steady heartbeat again.

#stephen strange #stephen strange angst #stephen strange x reader #dr strange x reader #benedict cumberbatch x reader

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gogolstoelicker · 3 years ago

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Hello love <3. Can I request Nikolai Gogol MC? Love u so much

Riddle, Azul & Vil with a Gogol!MC

note: I LOVE GOGOL SO MUCH CAN U TELL😍😍 WHEN I FIRST SAW HIM, I JUST FELL HEAD OVER HEELS, GIGGLING AND BLUSHING AND KICKING MY LEGS WHENEVER HE APPEARED

side note:why is writing his description kind of hard

You're sadistic and love to speak in great theatrics, having the tendency to pose questions as "quizzes". Those quizzes are oftentimes rhetorical threats. When fighting, you expressed great joy in fighting and tormenting your opponents.

You had hinted that your eccentric persona may or may not be real. That the side of you feels no remorse when doing evil acts is just as real as your other side that is feeling guilty, claiming to want to soar as free as birds do.

Riddle:

Azul:

the worse at tolerating you

everytime u appear, he cried a little on the inside and just silently wished for u to leave him alone and leave

its like u can read his mind bc u started making quizzes abt the exact same thing he's feeling

and honestly? u probably saw all of his rules and scheduled life to be quite dull

you're a free soul, seeing them bounded to rules probably got the gears in ur head moving

so guess who's the little devil going around in heartslabyul telling students to break the rules or make at least one student to break the rules once a day?🤗🤗🤗

cater and trey trying to stop u because they don't want to die:😫😫

keyword: trying. it did not work

riddle could not handle u at all

straight up tried to ban u from the dorm

probably knocked on his door at 3am to play some random board game too

he go to school the next day with eyebags bc of u

now he is determined to ban u from the dorm

well not that it can stop u anyway

enjoy the cat and mouse chase ig?

smile and nod yall, just smile and nod

well he dealt with floyd so he can tolerate u here and there

but if u do smth like accidentally chased his customer away from ur pranks? oh he's coming for that ass

u prolly don't like his contracts💀since it's kind of bounding someone to smth

stomping ur way like🤬🤬🤬

probably tried to pull him out of work with pranks too and he is SICK and TIRED of it

he just wants to work💔pls💔

he wants the money pls stop distracting him💔

probably a #1 supporter to destroying the contracts

not even to free the students, its mostly for personal reasons

ok maybe a little bit of wanting to free the students too but its mostly u wanting to destroy the contracts bc it goes against ur beliefs💀

and u won't really care usually well more like u can't do anything to everyone and force ur beliefs on them BUT

but since you're kind of involved with azul and ur friends are asking u to destroy the contracts, what can u do amirite😘😘

azul:

Vil:

honestly? he can tolerate you better too🙏

all bc of how he's near rook most of the times that he tolerates u best

u, the menace, obviously noticed this and used it to your fullest advantage

vil is tolerating you? well he can surely tolerate THIS too🤗 *pulls vil into ur overcoat or smth idk*

vil almost flipping u when u disappeared with ur ability

him frantically checking his appearance

finds out he looks just fine🤨u and that ability of yours honestly🙄🙄

he does mind ur pranks and had asked u to tone it down but its not helping much so uh

just dont bother him and his dormmates🤨u better not accidentally ruin their appearance bc of ur prank or smth🤬

but other than that, he'll answer ur quizzes and actually listens to ur rare rant abt wanting to soar as freely as birds

probably doesn't like how scheduled his life is😭😭

writing this far finally made me realized how badly putting these three next to a gogol!mc are💀

like imagine putting someone who's goal is complete freedom with three people who's lives are bounded to their own rules or just bounded to smth in some way💀

well opposite attracts amirite⁉️

moving on, you'll be more than happy to help vil if he needs any help with special effects on stage while acting or smth

he needs someone to throw these things from up like snow for the sake of the story? u got him

with that ability of urs, you can do anything💪‼️

congrats? u two are besties? kinda?

#twst #twst wonderland #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #riddle rosehearts #azul ashengrotto #vil shoenheit

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whosjunglejim4322 · 4 years ago

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Warnings: SMUT, insecurities but mark just needs a lil reassurance abt how good he makes you feel, finger fucking/sucking, he cums in his pants, fluff bc yall r in love love <3

Mark knows he's being irrational about this whole ordeal. One conversation shouldn't be getting under his skin like it is, but this one thing seems to be knocking at the forefront of his brain, throwing him out of focus as of late.

So what, you masturbate. It's normal, he's not there all the time, of course you do. He does too, but he also becomes outrageously horny everytime he so much as thinks about your skin or the way you kiss him. And it's safe to say he thinks about you alot. Alot alot.

"It's different, though? I'm a guy, we jerk off an outrageous amount," he argues, furrowing his eyebrows as you stare up at his pacing form from the bed, grinning. He's cute when he's flustered.

"And girls just...aren't supposed to get horny without the help of a guy?" You inquire.

He stops pacing at this, slumping his shoulders. "that's not what I mean, I just-" he sighs, plopping himself next to you on the edge of the bed. He chews on the inside of his lip for a moment before shaking his head.

"Nevermind, I'm just tired." He runs his fingers through his disheveled hair, looking at you apologetically with his big doe eyes.

You're still amused, giggling as you reach over to cup his rosy hued cheeks, pulling him to your mouth for a kiss.

"A little toy could never replace you, my love."

You'd reassured him that night by wrapping your lips around his dick, and he was too lost in the belly aching anticipation and bliss of it all, to really pay attention to what it was you'd just said.

A little toy.

He hasn't stopped thinking about it. It's both slightly irritating, while also being the new source of his sexual frustration when he's supposed to be practicing. He thinks it may be more irritating than the ladder though, because as much as he hates to admit it, he is a jealous creature.

It's silly, childish and he knows it. Maybe that's why he's so unsettled by this, because he knows that you love him. He knows you like his dick, from what you've expressed. But, maybe he's doing something wrong?

Maybe you just don't want to to wound his ego, and instead act like his dick is enough to satisfy you. Of course, he knows some sensations are better than others, but how often do you need to touch yourself? Does he not please you enough in the moments you two are together?

These questions still nag him when he walks into your apartment at around 7:35 pm, causing worry to crease between his brows.

You, of course, pick up on this when you round the corner from your bedroom to see him making his way towards you, lost in thought. Your arms snake around his middle and your lips place a kiss to his jaw. A smile tugs at the corner of his mouth.

"What's got you all mopey?" You ask, searching for any signs of pain or discomfort in his eyes, only to be stumped by his undreadable expression. Maybe he's just had a long day?

He hums, broken from his self depricating reverie, evidently not realizing he's wearing his emotions so blatantly.

"Nothin' just tired, wanted to come home." He buries his face in the crook of your shoulder once you've pulled him into your room, his breath warm against your neck.

You must've just taken a shower, skin the scent of his favorite soap that always has him sniffing you randomly throughout the day. He squeezes you tighter.

You kiss the side of his head, reluctantly pulling yourself away only to grab his hands and move to the bed, not believing that there's nothing more than just fatigue that's got his usual goofy smile hidden behind such a frustrated countenance.

You crawl onto his lap once his back is against the headboard, his hands slipping underneath your shirt to rub your back, a habit when he's nervous. He knows what's coming, already avoiding your eyes.

"Are you gonna tell me what's wrong, Mark Lee? No excuses, this time." You mean business, but your voice is still as soft and comforting as ever. He can't resist looking up at you once you stroke his cheek with your thumb, featherlight.

With a drawn out breath, he reluctantly responds, knowing it'll only eat at him further if he doesn't.

"It's just....I feel like maybe I don't do enough for you...sexually? Like, I know everyone masturbates and It's totally fine you use a toy and stuff, I just feel like...like maybe It's better than...than what I can do? I know I'm not the most experienced but-"

He's stuttering, ears tomato red at the tips and he's a bit perplexed to see such a jubilant smile spreading across your face as he rubs the back of his neck, embarassed beyond belief.

"Mark..." you cup his soft, blazing cheeks in your palms, forcing him to meet your gaze as squeamish as he's suddenly become. "you're that upset over something like this?"

You don't sound judgemental nor teasing, despite the way you're grinning. But still, he wants to hide his face, wants to bow his head in shame. Suddenly he feels very foolish.

Not being able to stand seeing him so crestfallen, you reassure him, trurthfully. Your heart aches.

"Hey hey, look at me bub," wide doe eyes stare back at you, as you move some of his hair out from in front of his forehead where the strands have fallen. "you are more than enough, so good that when you're away I cant stand it. I have to touch myself, and I'm not just saying that."

His expression has regained some confidence, though you're not done yet. You've got this determination swirling in the pit of your belly, thrumming through your veins. You want him to know how truly incredible he really is, how good he really makes you feel.

"I think about your hands, your mouth, your dick. And you know what? By the end of it I'm not even satisfied, because that little toy isn't you. Do you understand? Hmm? Or do I have to show you?"

Suddenly his heartbeat is loud in his ears, adams apple bobbing as he swallows. He's hardened underneath you and you known that you've got him.

"I-I understand, now. But you could still show me, you know. If you want." His voice is a little unsteady but the corners of his soft, pink mouth twitch at the corners with an echo of a smile.

It's too much, Mark Lee absolutely will be the death of you. And so you kiss him, in a way that has his toes curling and his arms wrapping around your middle like a boa, refusing to let go.

Your fingers are tiwsted in his hair as you suck on his plush bottom lip, a gasp leaving his throat when your teeth nibble the sensitive skin. He can feel your hardened nipples through your sweater, pressing against his chest.

Your knees have tightened around the small of his waist as well, crotch rubbing against the strained bulge in his basketball shorts. You whine into his mouth.

"Mm, you should feel how wet you make me," his hands venture lower at this, until his warm fingertips are pressing into the flesh of your thighs. "go ahead Markie, touch me."

He groans, not being able to hold it back from his chest at the sound of your voice and your generous offer. His fingers, delicate and eager rub your pussy through your lounge shorts, and his jaw slacks a bit at your lack of underwear.

Your tongue slips against his, mouths parted and greedy while he slips his hand into the warmth of your shorts - and practically whines.

He wasn't expecting the abundance of your essence, the utter and complete lack of friction as his digits glide effortlessly through your silken folds. He takes his ring finger and presses the pad of it against your entrance, circling and listening to the lewd, slick sounds.

"Oh fuck," he croons free hand on your lower back and urging you against his touch. "you're s-so wet already, how are you so wet?" He's mystified, and completely fucked.

"I told you." You kiss him again, swallowing his reply and grinding your pussy against his palm. Without warning, he slips a finger in, and then another, falling apart at the way your walls so eagerly welcome them. He trembles.

"Mm, Mark." You're reaching down, underneath his arm and gripping his length, hot in your hand underneath the slinky material of his shorts. He twitches.

Suddenly his fingers are curling inside of you, and he begins to languidly pump them in and out of your sopping heat, on fire from his toes to the top of his head. You have to grip onto his shoulders, momentarily forgetting your previous endeavor of palming his dick.

He doesn't mind, not when you're whining like this, fingers digging into his skin, your body rocking against his while your walls hug and squeeze around his digits.

"Does it feel good?" He asks genuinley, but already knows the answer, too high off of this moment to not want his ego stroked. Your eyebrows are furrowed, lips kiss bitten, skin hot to the touch. You can barely make out an answer, and he swears all the blood in his body rushes straight to his dick.

"S-so good Markie - harder, please." You bury your face in the crook of his shoulder as tour thighs tremble around his narrow hips, lips trembling against his throat. He obliges you happily, anything to have you wilting against him like this. To hear more of the sounds you're making, for him.

Anyone outside the door would know whats going on, with the squelching of your wetness and the vigor in which he's fucking you with his fingers, heel of his palm nudging your clit with each thrust. You already feel that pit of pressure inside your belly expanding, so close to the brink of exploding.

He's fairing the same, if he's honest. You're rubbing up against the painful, throbbing boner in his bottoms, hidden behind only a thin layer of clothing. Your juices have leaked, leaving your own shorts wet at the crotch and the sight is erotic in a way that makes him buck up against you.

His free hand cups your face when he adds a third finger, pulling you from his shoulder to look at your face.

He damn near blows his load right then and there.

You look like you're on the verge of tears, not able to hold yourself up straight. A blush burns his skin, when you lean into his touch, fingers grasping at the front of his white tee.

"M'gonna cum soon Markie."

His heart threatens to explode from his chest when you turn your head and suck his thumb into your warm mouth, closing your eyes and bliss while his fingers pump into you, buried to the third knuckle.

This causes him to thrust into you with a sudden jolt, and the way his fingertips rub against the sweet spot deep inside of you, has the build up of pleasure finally spilling over like a broken dam.

The fingers on either of his hands are soaked now, one with your saliva and the other with your cum. You're gripping onto his wrists, letting him massage the inside of your walls while they contract around him, eyes rolled to the back of your head.

The sight, the feeling, is too much. You're a mess, a beautiful, sopping wet mess and without warning it's like a freight train is hitting him at full force, cock twitching willdy as pure bliss seeps through his pores.

You're still shivering, humping his hand while spurts of cum fill the inside of his shorts, dripping down the crease of his thigh and even soaking through the material a bit. Your eyes are barely able to open, but you will them to when you hear the almost imperceptible groan that strains from his throat when your heartbeat finally stops drumming so loudly in your ears.

Your belly lurches, skin tingly to the touch as he slumps against the headboard, peering up at you with more adoration than you can handle.

"I-I came in my pants." He breathes out, panting heavily alongside you. The thrill that runs down your spine like a tremor at the realization that he's cum, untouched, because of you, is what allows you to have half the mind to pull his fingers from your aching heat - replacing the others in your mouth.

His head lolls to the side, honey eyes trained on you like it’s impossible to look away while you suck your juices from his digits, humming around them. It's like he's staring up at the sun, mesmerized.

And then you're kissing him, and he's sure he's gone to heaven. He tastes you on the tip of your own tongue, and you're so sweet, so tender when you grasp his cheeks.

"I came in my pants too, by the way. Technically." You smile, and he chuckles warmly, giddy. His arms encapsulate you and he nudges the tip of your nose with his own.

The toy can have its fun, he thinks to himself. Because really, truly, nothing - and no one, will ever be as lucky and as enamored as he is with you.

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icecreamkink · 4 years ago

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watched all of the untamed / cql in two weeks after my friend 1 told me abt mdzs a hundred years ago and my friends 2 and 3 tried to get me into cql for like two whole years and there are.

feelings.

very first scene is a very dramatic death in the middle of nightmare battle on sith planet land . i will forget abt it in the next tenish episodes and then will be very surprised when it becomes Extremely Painful

anyway magic flying gays and possession and human sacrifice! we are off to a great start

in retrospect, chaos goblin wei wuxian must have had a blast pretending to be so cRaZy and be as disruptive as he could as mo xuanyu lbr

listen. why is fire always evil coded. cant a magic clan wear red, black and orange and have flame motif while being wholesome?

For Legal Reasons These Are Not Zombies

i wish the politics of the sect were a bit clearer, especially at the beggining when the wen clan had sm power, was wen ruohan the chief cultivator? is that why they were so slow in responding to the attacks? im v confused by the pre yiling patriarch politics

fighting in the roof by the moonlight as way of flirtiiiiiiing. as i understand this is a wuxia/xianxia trope and honestly...... thank u for ur service

slight bullying and being a nuisance in general, as a way of flirting we love to see it

wwx: if i drink on the rooftop, thats not inside the cloud recesses! hmmm check and mate :D lwj: i will fuck u up so help me god wwx: :0

i lov them

through hell or high water (quite literally) wei wuxian rem ains a trashfire gremlin till the end and i love him with my whole heart

in the pt subs wei wuxian calls jiang cheng a stubborn duck and i dearly wish that had come back

my opinions on almost every character goes from love to hate u - Hmm Me Like U - BABY. ILY. and i am Very Pleased w that. its been a while since i loved such a complete cast so much i think

no really. i WONT go into a detailed rant abt what i love about each of these characters and each of their relationships to each other. but i COULD.

some lan disciples in the loudest whisper ever: YEAH THATS THE JIN BASTARD MENG YAO HEARD THE GOT SUPER HUMILIATED BY HIS DAD LOL SURE HOPE HE DOESNT TAKE SLIGHTS TO HIS CHARACTER TO HEART

lan xichen, immediately: i must Love him

being into problematic ppl is in the Lan genetics, we come to realize

wen qing deserves so many awards for so many things but not snapping and just stabbing wen chao is at the top

that scene at lan qirens class where wwx talks about using resentful energy to fight a violent spirit. exquisite.

It establishes Good Student lan wangji, wei wuxian as curious and questioning and not afraid of taboo, lwj sees that wwx is not, in fact, a dumb ass hes just a Dumbass, shows us the audience (esp. a western audience) how shocking the idea of disrupting the dead/dying and controlling resentful energy actually is, the theoretical foreshadow arguing, everyone else like ‘shUT UP’, “and how could you ensure that the resentful energy would obey you and not hurt other?” “well i havent thought that far” and of course, lan qiren just straight up lobbing a hard object at wwx head,. chefs kiss

fellas is it gay to bother the hot rule obessessed nerd from ur school and make drawings of him with flowers in his hair and then hide gay porn in his book to antagonize him and ask him to hold ur hand and be ur friend and talk to him all the time and get him drunk and give him bunnies bc you know he likes them and give him a lantern and always want his attention and dedicate yourself to getting him to smile-

and after all of that wwx rly said oh i Admire him, aksd like yeah we all were there in high school buddy

i have Learned. caves = gay.

accidental marriage +beint physically tied together with the sacred married ribbon+ gay panic+foreshadowing+bunnies! in the cave (1)

the story abt lan yi and baoshan sanren tho. i would like to see it

early days wen bros pull my heart strings like a guqin

EVERYTHING about the lantern scene; disaster hets jiang yanli and jin zixuan; how wwx made lwj a bunny lantern. how soft and touched lwj was. wwx gleefully pointing out he was smiling and lwj IMMEDIATELY PULLING HIW SWORD ON HIM LMAO. tragically foreshadowy promises to do right by pepople, living without regrets. lwjs 'oh no do i love him??' face. just. all of it.

i have it on good acc that in the novel lwj is explicitly Repressed Gay Panicked Big Horny which is delightful and rly Adds to the performance

baby lwj is really just conceal dont feel dont let them know u have EMOTIONS (derogatory)

jiang cheng rly went "why dont.u go play with HIM if u like him so much"

jc and wwx have big BIG annoying sibling energy dont think too hard abt it or youll cry

lotus pier is soo pretty :((((((((((((((((

up until episode 13 you could think this could be a magical ancient chinese gays pride n prejudice w swords and shenanigans ................youre just not prepared for the game of thrones of it all

seriously ha ha ha i cried so much w this show my eyes genuinely swelled up . like. physically. fun timez fun timez

that being said, its hilarious that wen xu goes to cloud recesses like 'come out or ill kill all these hostages' and then DOESNT WAIT FOR AN ASWER AND KILLS THEM ALL IMMEDIATELY. do u know how blackmail works sir

would like to make it recorded that from day one i was like 'CALL A GODDAMN CULTIVATION G20 THIS ASSHOLE SECT IS LITERALLY MASSACRING YALL!!' and it took them like 3 or 4 massacres to do anything and they STILL sent their heirs into their territory LIKE

when wwx cites the gusu lan rules to wen chao tho. that rebel/attention whore/cutie pie 'look lan zhan i DID memorize the rules after all' ‘also a big fuck you to the wen sect :D :D’ sweet spot that scene achieves . delicious

all the cultivator young masters being petty af even though they are practically prisoners at the cave is hilarious and i love them

hurt and comfort + gay mistunderstandings + watsonian gay declaration music + accidental evil acquisition! at the cave (2)

its like where do i start? the fact theyre both trapped and kind of heavily injured inside an isolated cave with a murder turtle? wwx gay panicking lwj into coughing up bad blood? lwj being jealous as wwx babbles abt mianmian? telling him he shouldnt play with people and wwx saying he never played him? wwx going Oh. I See what is happening. YOU like mianmian, and lwj absolute done face ??? (iconic) wwx touching the sacred married ribbon Again? the telepathic communication? the sword? WEI WUXIAN ASKING LAN WANGJI TO SING TO HIM AS HE IS PASSING OUT AND LWJ SINGING HIM. THE SONG. HE WROTE. FOR WWX. AND THAT HE CALLED. THEIR SHIP NAME????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

they are SO insufferable pleeeeease

in the words of my friend 1 : “CQL is so gay we were all amazed how it got past the censors Ofc unfortunately it can't be novel level gay But they did their best And we love them for it”

in the theme of songs THIS OST. WUJI HAS BEEN LIVING IN MY MIND RENT FREE SINCE I FIRST HEARD IT the whole ost is so so sO beautiful.

the costuming in this is also soooo exquisite. the embroidery? the fabrics? the details? how every sect and clan has a distinct style and architecture? (also ik they based each off of dif periods in chinese history which is REALLY fucking cool) just chefs kiss

the direction too!. i enjoy the unusual camera movements and i think they give it that Vibe, also their composition is PARTICULARLY good when it comes to telling the subtext through position of camera/position of character (like nhs off to the side in scenes he at first glance doesnt need to be/ how lwj is often centered when hes Jealous Yearning at wwx being affectionate w other ppl, wwx return from burial mounds etc)

ik madam yu is like Badass Milf Check and shes not getting any mom of the year awards but im delighted at how messy she is. IMAGINE that woman on tiktok

you better have enjoyed gay cave (2) bc its Just Pain from here on out!

jiang fengmian and madame yu win the Most Dramatic Way to show they do care about each other, actually ..... ever :)

i thought jiang yanli jiang cheng and wei wuxian forcing themselves to escape yunmeng barely holding on after their parents are killed was going to be the height of pain in this show. ha.

the family dynamics in general on this showwwww, both blood/ adopted/ found families, brotherly bonds and lifelong friendships just. rly. truly. fucked me up. theyre all so important and complicated and well rounded and beautiful and tragic

and beyond being a Win For the Gays im so glad the relationships w wwx and jiang yanli/ wen qing were NOT changed from platonic bc they are so much better like that imo. like maybe if we didnt Live In A Society it wouldnt be so, but the fact wwx and others can love and value them so much and theres nothing romantic or sexual abt it is like. so refreshing. especially @ jyl, with the way he and jc are overprotective of her and shes such a nurturing/care taker figure for them, it would just not vibe as well if they made it romantic

i love that this is a story abt Wei Wuxian, the Yiling Patriarch aka Actual Satan/Boogey Man/Village With/Public Enemy Number One , my dude is literally a necromancer who only dresses in black and has evil smokey black tendrils wafting out of him, but the really edgy one is still jiang cheng, pastel purple fashion icon

and speaking of best/worst siblings wei wuxian and jiang cheng *immediately starts crying*

The Golden Core Transfer i just. no thots only tears

wen qing and wen ning putting themselves in so much danger just.... to help them. wn saving jc from wen chao. wq finding a way to get wwx to transfer his core. like thinking about the monumental work these two did to help wwx and jyl and jc... jyl trying so fucking hard to be strong and keep on moving and giver her little brothers comfort after losing everything... jiang cheng. losing his parents and his home and his ability to do anything abt it and his complete desperation and lack of self worth and turning on them with agression when he didnt realize all that they did for him ... hhhhhhhhhhhhh

me, pointing at the whole cast “i just LOVE them mom!!!”

its sad tho, that BARELY ANY of the women have like.... actual important conversations let alone relationships with each other at all in the story. and like wq and jyl have stayed at the same place for extended periods of time, where wq actively took care of her TWICE, and still! not one measly convo, nothing! ................ .𝓌ₕᵧ

everyone in this show need a good sip of Self Worth and Stop Sacrificing Yourself juice

ngl the sword flying looks very dumb

“a-cheng, please bring a-xian back.” “i will, i promise.” ;-;

the whole calling each other by the More Intimate Version of the name, first as teasing and later as true intimacy. mmmhmmm yes

untamed where everythings the same but wwx evil flute song is eoeo

related that scene when wwx comes back from the burial mounds for the first time w demonic cultivation and he acts all formal and calls lwj hanguang-jun and keeps being evasive and distant and mean and soooooo................. facetious

and how hes kind of desperately trying to keep intense lwj at bay (A FIRST) and avoiding actually talking to either of them and its all tension ughhh and then he MOCKS his and lwjs relationship, he jokes w him in this like... mean echo of their usual ~banter~ oof

and like!!! uncertain but so relieved jc who just HUGS him w no reservations for once and its not like he isnt just as worried as lwj abt wwx and what hes doing, but he chooses in that moment to enjoy getting him back first and mmhmMMMmMm yes (maybe my favorite scene in the whole show? MAYBE SO. )

highkey hurt me but also. i might be into mean wwx. i will take no criticism.

lan zhans sad eyes tho :(((((((((

on one hand i wish we could have seen what happened at the burial mounds but on the other the timeskip adds so much flair to his return so im hnnn

also i love that hes been missing for 3 months reappears kinda melancholic and bloodthirsty and knowing malign tricks and jc is like 'so. are u sad bc of lan wangji'

when ur bae survived the war but he thinks ur evil/ might be evil so you cant kiss :///

hmmm talking at the rooftop under the moonlight not mentioning everything that stands between usssss

they are the two jades of lan and we’ll be the two heroes of yunmeng is the type of line u dont even need to know whats gonna happen to know thats gonna be sad

when they fight wen ruoshan at the nightless city i thought that was the battle we see at the first ep and its not and its so easy and theyre all like ‘yayy we won go wwx!’ i was just. SCREAMS WHAT is gonna HAPPEN

so like. post burial mounds/sunshot campaign pre yiling patriarch wwx is like. ultra arrogant, ultra mocking, peak lil shit and it gave me e v e r y t h i n g i wanted

even tho having the wen prisoners at the targets at phoenix mountain and still having wwx and jzx shooting the arrows was???? so.... tone deaf

wwx: fucking w demonic energy jyl: he has never done anything wrong in his life, ever <3 <3 (mood)

the parallels between meng yao/wei wuxian (and even xue yang a bit?) are Seen and they are Valid

wwx post burial mounds: can yall SHUT UP abt the goddamn sword (suibian left the chat)

LIKE truly, we talk abt the angst and yearning with wangxian. but what abt wwx and suibian. xianbian / xianqing angst and comfort 100k

take a shot everytime someone coughs up blood

zidian is simply the coolest spiritual weapon rip to suibian and chenqing and bichen and sendou and baixa........ but tis the truth

cons: everyones families died in a nightmare war! everyones homes burned to the ground! everyone is traumatized! pros: everyone gets cooler clothes and weapons!!

wen ning and a-yuan and yanli bestest babes squad dont touch me rn

everyone: brooding and fighting wq and jyl: why dont you try some acupunture/drinking some soup and calm down huh? how abt that bitch??

showing the battle/massacre at the nightless city first was genius actually bc then everytime we have a cute scene w yunmeng bros and theyre like 'we'll be together forever! uwu' youre like oh. oh no. oh no no no.

justice vs lawfulness vs means and ends 👁

jc: stay in the right path and practice the art of the sword wx: yeah thats not gonna happen chief

my reaction to wwx renouncing to the sect politics to help the wens was just that elmo burning gif in succession

the dramatic rain. wen qing desperately calling out to wen ning. the ghosts/puppets killing the guards. how terrifying wn actually was while wwx was controlling him :( lwj goeing after him to try and stop him and then he just; he Sees him and understands him even if he cant actually do anything about it other than let them go.

“there must be somewhere in this earth we can go to :(((((((((”

"IF I HAVE TO FIGHT THEM, I'D RATHER IT BE YOU. DYING BY YOUR HANDS WOULD AT LEAST BE WORTH IT." oh my god oh my god oh my goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooddddddd

also lwjs umbrella is white w black smoke.. . . nice

yiling patriarch / demonic farming burial mounds settlement is like one of my favorite concepts. they an "EVIL" FARMING COMMUNITY LED BY THE VILLAGE WITCH COME ON

they planted TURNIPS and LOTUS FLOWERS and ONE (1) baby and made lanterns and a common hall :(((((((

wen qing and wei wuxian, baddest bitches and genius science best friends i absolutely LOVED to see it. they rly went ‘is anyone gonna sibling/project partner that’ and didnt wait for an answer

both wwx and jyl getting lotus ponds at the burial mounds and in lanling bc they miss lotus pier ;;;;;;;w

;;;;; wish jyl had actually gone into the burial mounds. we were robbed of jyl and wq meeting again and jyl meeting a-yuan and seeing the settlement and the homes and all ;w; at least jc did go, stab wounds and broken arms and all

wwx like... having thrown his whole life away to help the wens (yeah the sect leaders and jin guangshan in particular wanting his stygian tiger amulet was an Element but still) and not.... necessarily regretting it, but grappling with all of the consequences of it... becoming moody and drepressed at times, missing his family and lotus pier and his friends and probably simply missing being around people and causing trouble, extrovert that he is, lashing out at the wens and at a-yuan, just in general the whole messiness of that experience

the way the resentful energy does affect his temperament is rly nice bc its not too in your face,(i mean outside of the Shaky Hands of Rage) but like he clearly has a much lesser control on his anger and impulsivity (tall order) than both before bm and after hes ressurected

on that note A-YUAN BABIEST BABY BOY BEST BOY

lan zhan being like oh hey there wei ying fancy meeting u and our son here. just passing by u know how it is hmmmmMm and then PLOT TWIST having defied orders to go see him and being punished for it. oof;;

they habent seen each other in like? a year? and now theyre tgt 10 seconds and are already parenting a child together

also lwj rly kneels down in the snow way too much to be healthy

wwx: calm down guyssss i wont lose control of demonic cultivation omgggg . spoiler alert: he loses control of demonic cultivation

did u enjoy cute children? good bc now the Real Pain Begins

jiang yanli and jin zixuan rly out there APROPRIATING both disaster gays AND bury ur gays huh ;w;

i KNEW jin lings birthday was gonna fuck something up but the GASP that left my body when wwx lost control of wn and killed jin zixuan .. . .

im sorry and thank you aaaaAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaAAAAaAAAAA

when wen ning and wen qing were telling wwx their plan i was saying NO NO NO NO NO NO out loud in despair

also can we talk abt how wq is definetely talking about only the both of them surrending themselves but then? everyone else just surrenders w them? IT MAKES NO SENSE LIKE WHY WOULD THEY what would be the Point

sometimes there are some pretty gaping jumps in logic and continuity that are just like ? ?

wwx: oh so when you try to murder me its justified but when i survive through dark magic and murder all of you its a "war crime"

unsurprisingly, his most feral, most spiraling moment talking to the sect leaders on the roof and attacking them and even fighting lan zhan is among my favorite scenes... its like, so painful to watch but also so thrilling (and maybe my wen bbs dying arose some resentful energy in me what can i say)

and its JUST, all they ever wanted was to do good but then... war. and trauma. and hubris.

jiang cheng on the ground clearly thorn between what to do and feel is a Mood, lets just say

i was already crying when jyl showed up, but if i wasnt-

i suffered SO MUCH through this series trying to figure out WHY jc would kill wwx. and when i understood. its somehow not as bad as i thought and also MUCH MUCH WORSE

a look into my group chat during the last flashback episodes:

SO ANYWAY. after the BLOOD BATH and RIPPING YOUR HEART OUT and FEEDING IT TO YOU the untamed goes ‘ayy back to the present!! tu du dud ud du’

literally it ends a quarter into an episode and then KEEPS GOING i had to pause and stare blankly at the ceiling for an hour

babie cultivators and detective soulmates . i do need some cute after All of That

(not that the pain is over LOL)

lwj is significantly less emotionally repressed in the present and its delightful. hes just ALL IN with wwx. and not just in the ‘i would and have killed various men and risked my reputation for you’ but also ‘ur tired here have a drink i brought it up cause i know u like it and it want you to be happy, always’

“when everyone praised me and wanted my power, you were the only one that challenged me. now that everyone hates me and wants me dead, youre the only one that stands by my side.” hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

and just filling in the blanks how lan zhan searched for him. for all of those 16 years he searched for him and was punished for it and raised a-yuan, the only survivor of the burial mounds settlement, as his own in gusu......

and jiang cheng. being the tough love uncle . having raised the yunmeng jiang clan from the rubble all alone, his whole family dead, some of it on the blame of his own brother, his siblings, his closest friends gone.......and only jin ling there needing his guidance.

THE PARALLEL BETWEEN JIN LING BEING A LIFELINE FOR JIANG CHENG AND A-YUAN FOR LAN WANGJI AFTER THE BATTLE AT THE NIGHTLESS CITY

great now i made myself sad

and like . the fact! that lwj and jc dislike each other!!. jc projects blame onto him for wwx both “leaving” him and indirectly causing their families deaths and when hes so consumed by it he makes wwx an enemy, lwj is there now? trying to protect him?? and lwj, who can never understand the pain that wwx , indirectly or not put jc through, but who was right there when jc tried to kill him and will never allow him to hurt wwx again. and how they like. in a way project blame of their tragedies onto each other while dealing with some type of survivor guilt and in their own way still loving wwx through it all??? amd in way its kind of fundamentally selfish but also tragically understandable? and like when u put it against the fact that after he disappears during the sunshot campaign they were looking for him together and fought together??

JUST. THE CHARACTERS. AND THE RELATIONSHIPS IN THIS. MAN. UGH. GOD.

and like i think thats what makes it so good? its such a sad and painful and violent story, edgy even, but its compelling bc at the center of it there are all of these relationships and different types of love and hope and. :( i love it

enough crying lets talk abt wwx sleeping at the jingshi with lwj and wearing his under garment for a minute 🙏

jin ling just has that Was Raised by JC energy tho lmao i love him

babie cultivator squad is the perfect ammount of cute and comedic relief while still bearing the weight? of the narrative in a way, both from sizhui and jin lings existences, and also. like. how do i put this. they feel hopeful? they were born after a war, they came of age at a time of relative peace, they dont hold on so closely to the resentments of their parents/father figures, they are specifically shown as more accepting and open minded. and its like.... Hope for the future

one of the ?? things i love the most is the fact that the main cast are often in situations where theyre hunted/running but they like. never wear disguises... just going around in their gorgeous expensive clan clothes and hair ornaments and distinctive spiritual weapons.... maybe w a straw hat on, just for kicks

wwx teacher 🥺🥺🥺

so this is why its called Yi City Misery huh

a-qing is such. an icon. im so sad. my girl even knew to leave xys dumb self rotting by the road but no one listens to her thats why theyre all dead or sad

her and xue yang measuring each other up was so entertaining lmao

its the funniest thing when hes like. HERES MY SAD STORY. FOR WHY IM A SADISTIC MURDERER. I BROKE MY HAND ONCE.

like ok someone broke his hand in a horrible way, and like Poverty, i get it but also like.......... that lost the brunt of a proper sob story like, 50 sadistic murders ago bby

and i love that xingchen does not entertain that for a second hes like ‘not ?????? good enough???’ and the best thing is he wasnt even like 'u hadto be the bigger person' or sth but ' well then break that dudes hand back, rip his arm off for i care, what do the rest of us have to do w anything???”

anjo sensato :(

xue yang is like..... the sexy sadistic evil version of a himbo..... a meanbo...

the fucked upness of xy’s feelings for xxc/ xxc and sl feelings for each other... like my dude literally gave his bf HIS EYES. and xy getting so attached to xxc .... the fucked up fake domesticity.... having him hurt sl..... then desperately trying to bring him back ...................... oof

song lan........... literally had his eyes AND tongue removed, his bfs eyes put in place, was almost killed, turned into a puppet by his bf unknowingly, manipulated by xy, sees his bf killing himself in despair.... and STILL finds the strenght to get up from there, and keep on traveling and helping people and attempting to fix xxcs soul.......... like, my man. damn.

wangxian looking at songxiao and seeing an Actually more painful parallel for themselves. ft. that Color Coding.

THE A-YUAN/SIZHUI REVEAL PUNCHED ME IN THE HEART but in a good way for a change

should have know that he would be the Best Boy the cute one w all the braincells

the butterfly AND the bunny lantern. i see how it is

u know is very convenient that no one can see the stark black veins on wen nings neck, ever

BAT WEN NING

wns face when lwj comes into wwx room like ‘:0 omg did u two finally get your shit together? good for you master wei good for u’

(they didnt) (yet)

DISASTER DRUNK LWJ. JUST. THRUST SOME CHICKENS TO SHOW UR RESSURECTED BAE THAT U LOVE THEM.

i have absolutely no idea WHY they gave lwj the same punishment for fighting his own sect/allies to protect the burial mounds as when they got drunk on cloud recess class days.... like? its such a ... emotional continuity error again

also is lwj gonna get an actual friend besides wwx , ever

mianmian marrying and having a family and a cute life after saying FUCK U AND UR SYSTEM TOO in a much less unhinged and dramatic way than wwx......... fills me w joy

also lol the idea that like. her husband not knowing that shes friends w satan/the boogey man/the village witch is hilarious

i love nie mingjue bc hes the resident Though Guy but also the most dramatic bitch in this show and thats Saying Something

jin ling cant have one uneventful relative can he

the fact that everyone present already knew “mo xuanyu” was wwx at the stairs is so funny, their faces are like ‘oh............ wow. that. sure is a development. shock”

in the tradition of extremely loud whispers wwx tells lwj with twelve guards standing like one meter away from them: HEY PSH LAN ZHAN PRETEND IM FORCING YOU TO STAY W ME DO IT

oh my god oh my god

the absolute Yearning on his face when he leaves wwx and a-yuan at the burial mounds and refuses to stay for dinner was already Enough but the fact?? they brought it back?? to this declaration of love?? their expressions??????? strike me dead right now just go ahead

lFor Legal Reasons We Cant Kiss but we will have a very sappy declaration of love and trust and look at each other in way that is the actualization of 💞💘💗💖💓💘💞💗💖💘💗💖💕💞

also icb all the sect leaders and guards are standing there watching them say they like like each other with a dozen swords pointing at their neck

i enjoyed the depiction of the fickle public perception and how easily it can be used to scapegoat people. when the sect leaders turn on jgy and wwx knows thats its more for convenience than anything else...

poor lxc is literally like 'oh so when YOUR problematic boyfriend gets called evil its a misunderstanding but when its MY problematic bf-'

ok like i cant get over nmj let jgy play a song that messed with his temperament at all, like maN u KNEW he might be shady wth

wwx: “hey dont say anything bad abt lan zhan hes not an arrogant dick, thats just his face.

ME ON THE OTHER HAND"

the cultivators as wwx is poking holes in their narrative is literally *nazaré meme*

"wei wuxian-!" "what did i break your leg, too?" not to be problematic but i laughed so hard

not as hard as "you dont have the rank to talk to me " tho

i Enjoy that, over the course of story, wwx sees that... theres nothing truly to Do, but move on. he saw how his arrogance and his mistakes hurt others, and hes trying to fix what he can, but he already did die for his mistakes and there are things he cant fix and that's. just how it is. even towards jgy, the narrative doesn't go gleefully and completely with "lets make THEM pay bc theyre the big bad" bc its not that simple, and it wouldn't lead anywhere but more pain...

re him and jiang cheng and the wens and kinda. isnt that what nhs did? scheming to displace jgy out of revenge more than any justice and doing so in the most painful way?

idk if that actually makes sense im truly just babbling

i thought the scene at the lotus pond would be CUTE but the context was PAIN again

jiang cheng finding out about his golden core and his conflict with wwx at the guanyin temple .... destroyed me but in a nice way kinda.... same way it destroys him look at his face oh god

and. the fact??? he sacrificed himself for wwx?? first?? and he'll probably never tell anyone much less wwx???? keeps me up at night

i havent decided if the neckbreak transition between jgy does sth super Evil or does he he does OR Does He yes he does O R does heeeee is sth i dislike or not

jin guangyao and wei wuxians most interesting parallel is that... theyve both seen 'hmm hey this system is fucked up' and wwx went 'so fuck it all i will renounce it and challenge it' and jgy went 'so fuck it i will use all of it to my advantage and manipulate it to my goals and whims'

the fact jgys mom was actually great and he loved her and his whole issue w it was more than simply being ashamed of being a bastard kinda got me ngl

never trust a dude with a fan.

nhs and jgy: the first rule to a convoluted and decades spanning violent revenge plot is to have fun and be yourself!

when a-yuan finally FINALLY remembers ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;-;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; wen ning has someone in his family back and a-yuan has someone to talk abt his wen family and wwx has him back bc he survived and lwj raised him anD HES THEIR SON. THEYRE MARRIED AND HAVE A SON. UGH.

and theyre allowed to heal. everyone is allowed to try and recover and be happy

netflix put all of the 3 endings on top of each other and it looks kinda weird actually BUT I DONT EVEN MIND :’’’’’’’’’)

the gasp that left me when lwj says ‘wei ying’ and wwx turns.........

there was also a screen with ‘thank you mxtx for creating these characters, we hope their wishes come true’ and i might. have cried then too. maybe.

that was . a ride. as is proven by this behemot of a ramble clearly i just really needed and Outlet. i am currently trying to convince dumb monkey brain to not consume the other medias of mdzs immediately bc i REALLY need to like. live. a life. and take care of real responsibilities. *longest oh boi ever*

#m.#ANYWAY #ENOUGH TALKING #THIS IS SO LONG #LOL #but whatever this is MY performative journaling i do what i want #rambling impressions abt what i watch is a thing i do now? apparently??#cql #untamed #the untamed #fun fact that chat is named 'k keeps on babbling abt the untamed' and it STILL wasnt enough #also it took me 15 episodes to realize lwj was yibo #IT WAS V SHOCKING #i did not recognize him at a l l #but in retrospect he WAS the perfect choice

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thxngam · 4 years ago

Text

@icantthinkofausername613 asked, so here goes part 2 of sam seaborn-centric fics! i was gonna add onto the last one but that would be a rlly long fic, so @d1sasterbi, here’s part two of your ask!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13592--Three wins by sloganeer: sam, during three elections! pretty short but it’s a good read :)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/66650--Five Things That Weren't Comforting by out_there: similar to a fic I put on pt 1 called called Sunshine Days but stil different! 5 AUs of stuff that never happened (personally, the second AU is my favorite) to Sam. it’s some great writing!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/66645--Initial Conditions by out_there: sam during SGTE, SGTJ from josh’s persective! it’s got some fairly explicit sex though in the middle, and i’m not ever sure it’s super sam-centric, but it’s definitely enough to qualify for this list. also, it’s so good! like sam and josh’s relationship, the way it’s written, i just...it’s so good.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/66649--The Right Word by out_there: clearly, this author is good! from’s sam’s pov as he tries to make sense of his relationship with josh and his view of writing and diction, yknow all those writerly things! a really good peak inside his head.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/2755--Everything he almost had by Punk: a kinda sad AU where bartlet isn’t so great and toby gets out and..well a lot. it’s a really good look at an AU version of sam where he’s not quite so sam-like with his ideals and his righteousness and his energy. this is quite good, i really suggest reading it

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13495248--By Your Side by UndeadRobins: so cute and from sam’s pov so here it goes! it’s so good! a 5+1 of josh being a clumsy idiot and sam going with him to the hospital. very good and also sucha contrast from the last rec lol

https://archiveofourown.org/works/8162224--The Future Belongs by ETraytin: a way-in-the-future fic of the next gen of Seaborns to be president. very sweet! it’s just...it’s nostalgic for some reason, and it’s so cute and happy i just...ugh. it’s so fuckin positive lol

https://archiveofourown.org/works/3925696--an american girl raised on promises by rillrill: female! sam. so good - sam has some, uh, questionable beliefs (internalized misogyny who?), but it’s such an interesting look at the character from a different lens.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/2494772--Change by polyamorousgraysexual: sam and bartlet. sam had such interesting parallels with bartlet when he was there and this is sort of a culmination of all those things in one straight conversation. it’s got a fair bit of humor also it’s (i feel like i keep saying this but it’s sort of the point of this list) a nice examination of sam? like why he does what he does? it’s in 2nd person though, and while i’m not always a fan, that works rlly well for this fic!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5950648--Learning How to Fly by Avon7: Sam’s thoughts on his inauguration. it’s like...so in character. it’s got all of sam’s twisty, wordy mental stops in one internal monologue on the biggest day of his life in the AU. so good. also what i think sam would think/say in canon if we ever got a seaborn for president scene in canon (idk why we would but if we ever did, this would be what happened)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12791685--Vere Vivere by ninjalanternshark: literally i’ve put this on so many lists. trans sam, and a lovely character study of him becoming who he always was and his career. i just...i really love this fic. sam’s a great character in canon, but AUs like these always my heart happy :)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/2407673--Driving The Future by AndreaLyn: technically sam has literally no lines in this fic. but it’s also literally about sam. so. josh and leo have a conversation about Sam’s “lateral career slide”. I swear it’ll make sense if you read the fic and I like it so here ya go.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/322850--Heart, Temper, Touch by @snowdarkred: another female!sam fic but also she’s a lesbian and people are bigots. it’s sam and her relationships with the rest of the senior staff and bartlet and how she navigates her career and her sexuality. this is a wonderful fic, it’s like...oddly gratifying. ive put it on more than one list, it’s so good!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/218297--Five Months by candle_beck: sam being hyperfixated on five months of his and josh’s relationship. it’s wonderful and so true to the character. sam hyperfocuses on these things and this is a really great fic that translates that to established-but-not-by-much samjosh

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11769843/1/Seaborn-for-America--Seaborn for America by Every Shade of Blue: so i dislike ff.net bc it’s format makes my eyes hurt and its tagging system is abysmal. all the same, i adore this fic and just about all of this author’s tww fic, which is mostly sam-centric if you’re interested! sam is gonna be president but is oddly surprised that nobody else is surprised.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28180788--Half Light by an orphaned account: this fic is sad and does not have a happy ending but it’s got mallory in it! i’m also pretty sure i’ve answered another ask abt this. sam on his career, the events of 20 hrs in America (that’s what those two fics are called right?), and josh

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25152565--Just a Cough by Nkala99: sam’s got asthma. like an idiot, he doesn’t tell his coworkers. is this an AU? yes. do I care? nope. should you read it anyway? yeah.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21651001--Dark by WaterSoter: sam, after he’s been told the president has MS. so good and kinda heartbreaking? it’s written really well but it’s so sad to me

https://archiveofourown.org/works/326546--turning speechless by @snowdarkred: an extension of the parallels between Sam and Bartlet. tw for child abuse. really really good!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27159944--Articulation is to Reciprocation by @cauldronoflove: literally THE sam fic. if you read none of the other fics (which, shame on you), read this one. it’s sam’s whole ass thought process with humor and feelings and banter, i just...what can i say? i love this fic, i love this author, read it. read it twice

so this is long af and i considered breaking it into three but that seems excessive, even for me. if yall want me to do rec lists for the major senior staff i can try? i mean that might be fun. idk, lemme know.

anyway, i realy suggest you read all of these (and the fics in part one! the OG ask is here (https://thxngam.tumblr.com/post/650354718322966528/do-you-have-any-favorite-sam-centric-fics-for)). read them all. read them twice. and as always, leave a comment/kudos when you like something! it’s simple, free, and an easy serotonin boost for these authors!

#the west wing #ask #not technically an ask but yknow what?#idc #sam seaborn

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thetomorrowshow · 4 years ago

Text

a jig in plaited time

Happy holidays, @under-the-blue-moonlight ! I really enjoyed writing up some intrulogical content for you (and this may actually get additional chapters lol, I’m really happy with it).

Here is your @sanderssidesgiftxchange gift!

ships: Intrulogical, background Royality

cw: anxiety, intrusive thoughts, panic attack, mannequins, mentions of food

Why was Remus at the mall?

That was a simple question, with a just as simple answer. He was at the mall for a suit and tie, one he needed for his brother's wedding. It needed to be “salmon” or whatever, with a blue tie.

A much less simple answer was to the next question.

Why was Remus at the mall on Black Friday?

In all honesty, Remus hadn't known about Black Friday until he arrived. He hadn't really had a good feeling about it on the way here, but he'd paid no mind to his instincts. He didn't often have a good feeling about anything. There had been far too many cars for this time of morning on a weekday. What had really tipped him off, though, was the huge sign in the window of Nordstrom's.

'BLACK FRIDAY SALE!'

Even at that point he wasn't entirely sure what that meant. It became far more clear when he entered the building to find it absolutely packed. Well, there could be an upside to this. Maybe there would be a sale on the suit he needed.

Remus hadn't been this close to someone since he was in the womb, and he could not say that he was very comfortable with it. Remus didn't care much for close spaces and touching people, he hadn't since middle school. It just made him feel sort of icky.

As soon as possible, he ducked out of Nordstrom's, only to find that the rest of the mall was in a similar condition. JC Penney actually looked worse. Normally when Remus was feeling overwhelmed, he'd sidle into Hot Topic or somewhere else with obnoxiously loud music. By drowning his feelings in the noise, he generally was able to recollect himself. The mall was certainly loud, but not in a good way at all. Even if he tried to find someplace with music, he wouldn't be able to enjoy it with all these people.

Remus was stressed. But he needed this suit, seeing as his brother's wedding was literally tomorrow. Why did he leave it this late? Well, Remus knew he was nothing if not a master procrastinator. He also knew he couldn’t be the only one.

Remus waded his way through the crowd to a relatively people-free corner and wiggled his phone out of the pockets of his definitely too-small jeans (not that he'd admit they were too small out loud—his brother had told him they were on every occasion he wore them) and texted the wedding group chat.

Remus: hey im at the mall. anything yall need?

Robro: Why are you at the mall on black friday?

Patty-Cake: ooh can you get me a pair of sunglasses? Mine broke last week

Remus: sure. stuff for wedding?

Robro: idk. Let me ask mom

Remus shoved his phone back in his pocket, then extracted it again as it buzzed a moment later.

Robro: Yeah mom says get some classy decor or something

Ant: I don't think remus knows what classy means

Remus: shut up i got this

Toby: wait what's going on? It's like 10am why are you all awake

Robro: idk if you knew this tobes but I'm getting married tomorrow

Toby: shut up man

Ant: even Remy knows

Sleep: even i know loser

Remus: toby do u need help

Toby: I hate it heeere

Patty-Cake: Aw Toby that isn't very nice! And good morning everyone!

Robro: hello sunshine!! <3

Sleep: i need you both to not start that

Remus: get a room dorks

Okay, classy decor. Sunglasses for the groom. Pink suit. Blue tie. Probably some dress shoes. A wedding present. Dress socks too. Did Remus need to have a tie pin? He'd ask later. Napkins, definitely. No one ever had enough napkins at events. Did he need to have a pocket handkerchief?

Remus checked the list of what his suit needed that Roman had sent him a month or two ago. Yes, a blue pocket square. This was a lot.

Remus swallowed back his sudden panic and took a few deep breaths, jamming his still-buzzing phone back into his pocket. He could do this. Sunglasses first, there was a Sunglasses Hut within eyesight. All he had to do was fight through the crowd.

He reached the kiosk with few incidents and surveyed the sleek glasses for five minutes before seeing a pair that were shaped like a cartoon frog. Patton would love those. And if he didn't, then Remus just got a neat pair of sunglasses! He purchased the glasses and moved on to the next place to conquer.

By the time Remus was back at Nordstrom's, he was completely out of energy. Nordstrom's had two levels, and so much stuff, and so many people. He still had to get the suit and socks, and the wedding present. Maybe it seemed like he hadn't done much, but he had actually done a lot, considering how busy the mall was. He'd barely escaped a fistfight outside of the electronics store. The fact that he'd been able to get shoes and so-called 'classy decor' and napkins? Remus was pretty proud, all things considered.

Nordstrom's was even busier than when he left, which was certainly distressing. Remus couldn't even see any clothes. Was that a mannequin or a really tall lady? Was that the escalator, or a bunch of people climbing on top of each other?

What if I set off a bomb right here? Would the whole tower fall down, the ones on top not actually hurt until they hit the ground?

Remus shook off the intrusive thought. This was getting bad. It was already almost one—that meant that not only was he stressed, but he was getting hungry. His thoughts would continue to devolve until he got out of here and got some food.

I could eat that man! That would certainly clear the place out, and I'm sure he's delicious!

Remus groaned. He needed to sit down, but there were no seats free anywhere. He hefted his bags higher on his shoulders and forged on. He had to get this suit, or else the wedding would be ruined. The man in question (who was fairly attractive) bumped him, and Remus had to close his eyes to fight his brain. This was getting out of hand.

There was a little square cut out in the wall where a headless mannequin stood, no doubt showing off the latest in boys' fashion. Remus ducked between its legs and pushed his back up against the wall, knees drawn up close to his chest. He pulled out his phone with some difficulty.

Remus: hey so ro does my suit need a tie pin

Robro: Don't worry abt it, mom got matching tie pins for everyone

Sleep: ree babes are you buying ur suit now?

Remus: shut up

Sleep: on black friday?

Remus: no

Ant: did you even know it was black friday

Remus: ...

Toby: wait the wedding is tmrrw

Robro: Believe me tobias I'm aware

Remus: yah ik im not buying the whole suit just shoes

Robro: Good I almost had a heart attack, you almost certainly wouldn't be able to find one

Now truly panicking, Remus dropped his phone onto his stomach and buried his fists in his hair. How was he supposed to find a salmon suit and a blue tie, as well as nice socks? Plus a wedding present? Especially in this crowd, when he had no clue where to even look for a suit. And he still had to go to the party tonight, then the wedding tomorrow, and it was so loud. Everyone was yelling over each other, and Remus couldn't even hear his own thoughts—except the bad ones. Why did he have to put this off so long? He needed out, he wasn't going to be able to get any of the stuff, he was going to ruin the wedding, like he ruined everything—

“Hello, may I help you?”

Remus looked up—at least, as up as he could look, with a mannequin just above him—to see a bespectacled store clerk looking down at him. 'Logan', his nametag read.

Remus opened his mouth, then closed it again before a string of curses could come out. He really wasn't doing well. There was just too much, too much everything.

“Is there anything I can help you find?” Logan asked, his voice rumbling a bit—or maybe it was the thunder of people in the shop. Whatever it was, it made Remus's stomach drop a little.

“Um, uh, pink!” If Remus had any shame, he would have slapped his own face. As it was, he started trying to pantomime a suit while stuck in a tiny hollow in the wall. Logan watched kindly, his face not betraying the disgust he was probably feeling.

“Pink what? Shirt?” Logan guessed. Remus shook his head, running his hands down his legs. Pants too, pants too.

“Pink . . . coat? Shorts? Pants?”

Remus traced back over his arms, almost crying. Here he was, bothering this poor clerk with his stupid non-verbal self.

“A pink suit?”

Remus jumped for joy, hitting his head on the crotch of the mannequin, instantly shuddering at the thoughts that flooded into his head. Logan held out a hand, and Remus took it, allowing himself to be pulled out of the wall.

“I can direct you to the suit section, right this way.”

Remus let himself be led by Logan, who occasionally looked back to make sure he was still there. The man had a curly mop of dark hair, and was slightly shorter than he was—not that it was a problem. Or anything important. Remus wasn't looking for a date. He was inconveniencing a store clerk on Black Friday. Although, he did need a plus one for the wedding. . . .

No, it was out of the question. He didn't even know this man. Roman would be upset if he ruined the wedding even more by showing up with some rando who would probably jump in the wedding cake or spill food all over the nice tablecloths or turn out to be really ugly because he was just wearing a mask made of someone else's face.

“Here is where the suits are. Do you need anything else?”

Remus stared at him, his mouth opening and shutting a few times. He wanted to say something stupid, like yeah, I need those eyes in my life, or something far more obscene, but he was okay. He could do this. He could survive peopling.

Logan gave him a sympathetic smile. “I can help you find the right suit, if that's what you require.”

Before he could stop himself, Remus was nodding. He let Logan pull him past a crying couple and two arguing families to a rack of suit coats that were red.

“Will these suffice?” the clerk asked, gesturing at them. Remus frowned. They weren't pink. Was the man messing with him? Seeing his look, Logan checked the tag and groaned. “Apologies, I'm colorblind. I could have sworn these were pink. Hopefully the last customer who I pointed this way was not upset.”

That was a joke, right? Remus almost laughed, but knew if he did he would start crying. Logan led him through the crowd with seemingly unending patience, occasionally smiling gently at him. Remus felt his heartrate spike every time one of those smiles was sent his way, but for a reason completely unrelated to the overpowering noise and crowd.

Logan found him a probably very nice pink suit—Remus wasn't really looking at it. Then Logan was kind enough to let him into an employee restroom to try it on, seeing as the dressing rooms had a line that ran all the way to the front doors. It fit nicely, tight (though not as tight as his jeans) and sleek, accompanied with a blue tie that Logan had found while he was changing.

“That looks very sharp on you, sir,” Logan informed him, as Remus blushed.

“Remus,” he blurted out. Logan raised his eyebrows.

“After the character in Roman mythology?” asked Logan, his tone betraying something like excitement. Remus nodded, then looked down at the tie.

“We—didn't look at—at ties yet,” he stammered, trying to make his voice work. “Where—?”

“Ah, it happens to be one of mine,” Logan said. For the first time, he looked a little uncomfortable. “I keep one in my locker for emergencies, and I thought it would look nice on—it would look nice. With the suit.”

Remus finally found the courage to smile back. “Thanks, Specs. Uh, sorry for taking up so much of your time. I'll just buy this, it's dope.”

“Oh no, I do not at all mind assisting you,” Logan said quickly. “At least I don't have to deal with . . . whatever is going on.”

“You could assist me by being my date!”

Logan stared.

Remus clapped a hand over his mouth.

“. . . What?”

“Nothing, nothing nothing,” said Remus. “I just—um—you need to get your tie back right? And I—if you let me, of course—I could just wear it, save money and all that, and you could come and then take it home so that I don't steal it or whatever?” He scrunched his eyes up, turning away so as to catch no sight of Logan rejecting him. Why did he have to say that? The noise pressed down on him again; despite still being in the staff restroom, it was almost too loud to bear.

“Wear it . . . where?”

Remus would already be curled up on the floor were it not for the very un-purchased suit he was currently wearing. “Um, my brother's wedding tomorrow?” he chanced, hands clenched over his eyes.

The utter disbelief in Logan's voice was clear as a bell. “You are buying a suit . . . for a wedding . . . that is tomorrow. On Black Friday, of all days.”

Tears choked Remus's throat. “Y-yeah, I'm really bad at planning.” Why was he even asking this cute clerk out anyway? Just because Roman kept teasing him for not having a date to the wedding? Or did he actually have a crush on Logan?

He searched his feelings briefly, and found almost instantly that he for sure had a crush. Okay, that was a lot to deal with right now. They had just met! It was just . . . the way he smiled at him, the way he didn't abandon him even though he'd been having a panic attack for about an hour at this point, how gentle and kind he was. Not to mention how put-together he was. And his hair? That was just hot.

Now though, just seconds after realizing he liked Logan, the guy was going to reject him because he had run his stupid mouth. Remus cringed. The silence had gone on for far too long.

“Well, I expect you to pick me up an hour before the event begins. I do not currently have my own means of transportation. You are quite fortunate that I do not work tomorrow.”

Wait.

What?

“You—you really—?” Remus's voice broke. He jumped as Logan lay a warm hand over his own, which were still pressed into his eyes.

“Of course,” Logan said kindly. “I know very little about you, but I rather feel that—and no offense meant—you will be distressed at such a large event as a wedding. I would love to continue to assist you.” He coughed, then added, “Also, the streak in your hair is very attractive.”

Remus almost sighed in relief. This was okay. He let Logan pull his hands away from his face, then ran a sleeve over his eyes and nose. Logan froze.

“Well, now you have to buy that suit,” Logan said. As an aside, he muttered, “At least it looks good on you.”

“Aw, Lo, you think I look hot?” Remus asked shakily, managing a smile. “What about my jeans? Think I look good in tight clothes?”

Logan turned away, unfortunately letting go of Remus's hands, the tips of his ears turning pink. “Are you always this insufferable?”

Remus slung an arm around his shoulder. “Yep! And you're stuck with me for a whole date!”

Logan pushed his glasses up his nose. “If it doesn't work out, we can just pretend we never met, if you like. We will both move on with our lives. There is no obligation that comes with this date, we are both free to back out at any time.”

Remus quickly retracted his arm from Logan's shoulder, then nodded. That made sense. He did like Logan, and he didn't want to upset him. Shameless flirting was definitely on the table, though.

“When's your lunch break?” Remus asked, as casually as possible. Logan snorted.

“I only have a twenty minute lunch today, they don't want me to leave them without as much help as possible.” Logan went to open the door and exit the restroom, then glanced back. “One o'clock. I plan on getting a sandwich at the Subway in the hall outside of the store. It would be wonderful if someone would wait in line for me and order me an Italian BMT and a bag of potato chips, so that I am not late in returning.”

Remus grinned. Easy-peasy, and just like that he would get to spend some time with Logan before the wedding.

Logan made to leave, but Remus grabbed his arm. “One sec, hot stuff,” he said, butterflies racing through his stomach at Logan's blush, “not to bother you any more or anything, but do you have any suggestions for a wedding present?”

The utter disbelief on Logan's face completely wiped out any blush that had been there. “The wedding is tomorrow, Remus.”

Remus's breath caught. Logan said his name. It sounded so beautiful coming from him. If a heavenly chorus had been singing around him at that moment, it would have been dull compared to Logan saying his name.

Logan sighed. “Of course I have some ideas. Do you need anything else?”

Remus pulled himself together, then grabbed his phone from the pile of his clothes on the floor. He checked the list, ignoring the notifications from the group chat.

“Uh, yeah. A pocket square to match the tie, and some nice socks.”

“That's doable. Tell me about your brother and his partner while we find those items. Perhaps you and I can put together an ideal gift.” Logan stepped out of the restroom to give Remus privacy while he changed back into his clothes. Remus shucked the suit off as quickly as possible. All the intense stimulation had blurred into the background, Logan being the only buzz he needed to keep going.

Remus didn't often have a good feeling about anything, but this? Oh yeah, there was definitely something good here.

#sanders sides gift exchange #sanders sides #thomas sanders #ts sides #ts #remus sanders #ts remus #logan sanders #ts logan #sanders sides fic #remus is a disaster gay #he also has social anxiety which influences his intrusive thoughts #i wrote a couple of my own habits/mannerisms into him #like the fact that when he gets really anxious he plays loud music to drown it out!#it's such a calming thing that i rarely see people write about #and it feels sort of weird that he gets anxious when the surroundings are too loud #when he uses loud music to calm down #but that's just literally me #projection city: population me #also ash i sent you an ask forever ago trying to sound out if you wanted an au or canon-type fic #you said au!!#so here we are #if i end up writing more it'll probably be the wedding from logan's pov #anyway i hope this is something like what you wanted!#happiest of holidays to you!#and anyone else reading!#much love -mas

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harringtonstudios · 5 years ago

Text

vegas run. (I)

plot: it’s the annual las vegas run. let’s see what kinda trouble you get into this year!

A/N: this is an ongoing series! the first part is fairly long sorry. i currently have about 4k written so i’m excited for what’s to come. hope yall like <3 shoutout to ellie for letting me ramble abt this

masterlist!

Being invited to the annual Las Vegas run with the boys was something you had gotten used to. As Baze’s best friend from back home, you’d been to more events than you could even remember after he’d joined Machine Gun Kelly. It’d taken a couple years for them to blow up, but Baze would always ask you to fly out to Cleveland for the little things, release parties, New Years Eve, even Kells’ birthday once you’d gotten familiar with the other guys.

The Las Vegas tradition had started as an accident. You’d been with the band on their tour for a couple of cities, staying in the small tour bus that they were using this time around. It was kinda cramped with all the band, the constants slew of guests, and the little after-show parties every day. After the Vegas show, you guys had decided to party outside instead. There’d been an all-night rager in different casinos, clubs flashing their lights only to entice your friends in. Then, the bus had broken down, and it had started storming, and before you knew it, the next few shows were rescheduled, and you were stuck in Las Vegas.

It had been a week of straight craziness, constant drunkness, and chasing after Kells who had suddenly decided to mix alcohol and mushrooms. But it had been a great week, and you’d gotten closer to all the boys, learning more about them with every single incident gone wrong.

After that, Colson had decided to schedule a week-long break on those dates, marking it down as a tradition every year. He made sure you were always invited, and kept it as close to the people that were there the first time around as he could.

You’d forgotten about the Las Vegas run this year around. Things had been so hectic recently, with you opening up your own business and dealing with customers day in and out. At first, you’d started online with just a couple of orders, but after a mean deal done with one of the biggest designer companies, you’d landed your own well-deserved store with customers aplently.

The phone call came around 4pm, phone lighting up with the words Machine Gun Kelly. You hesitated for a second, wondering why he would be calling you on a random Thursday, but decided to pick up after looking around to make sure any customer was being attended to.

“Y/N!” Colson’s voice came through loud across your phone speakers.

“Hey man! What’s up, how have you been?” you questioned, pulling the phone back from your ear just a little.

“I’m good, just finished up the tour for this summer and we’re back in LA right now,” he answered, and you smiled, knowing all of this already since Baze had shown up to your store the day before with his lovely girlfriend, proud of everything you’d accomplished.

“I heard,” you started before he cut you off suddenly.

“Sorry, I know you’re working and all right now. I don’t wanna take up time, but I was hoping you’re still coming to the Vegas run?” he rambled out, and you rolled your lip into your mouth, suddenly remembering.

“Oh fuck, yeah it’s next week right?” you asked, fingers tapping on the desk as you already tried to come up with a way to get your assistant manager to cover the store for the week.

“Yeah. Baze was telling me you have the shop and all, but I wanted to ask you anyway. Wouldn’t be a Vegas run without you,” he murmured and you relished in the last few words before clearing your throat.

“I’ll try and work something out. Text me the details?” you spoke back, seeing your sales assistant walking towards you.

“Yeah of course,” he replied before you exchanged byes and shut off the phone.

It took a lot of bargaining, but soon you were clear for the next week. You had to come in on Saturday to finish up tasks and stay late a couple nights this week to sort out products, but other than that, your assistant manager was prepared to take over.

Taking a quick break for lunch, you stepped out, eager to soak in the sun as much as you could before staying in late tonight. Walking to the corner of the block, you decided to treat yourself with one of the special milkshakes from Luca’s Diner. It was a hotspot for the locals, sugary goodness & crunchy cereal sprinkled into every shake they made.

That’s when you spotted a familiar Aston Martin, violet purple standing out amongst the wave of other cars. Parked on the curb, the car seemed to be empty and you stepped into the diner, eager to find the owner.

The diner was flowing with people, chatter lighting up the air as you tried to spend a minute looking for Colson’s figure somewhere. Eventually giving up, you walked toward the counter, already smiling at the idea of having a sugar rush.

“Hi! Welcome to Luca’s. What can I get for you?” the cashier asked, fingers tapping away at the screen.

“Hey, can I get a Cinnamon Crunch Delight with extra whipped cream?” you answered, hands going into your pockets to pull out your card.

“And a basket of fries!” came a voice behind you, and suddenly there was a hand dropping around your shoulders.

You turned up to look at Colson standing there, grinning down at you as he said, “What Y/N? C’mon I’m paying.”

You smiled back at him, before gesturing to the cashier, who looked a little star-struck.

“Fries. Uhm, got it. Anything else?”

“I think we’re good,” he answered, moving his arm off you to grab his wallet. You sidestepped as he paid, waiting by the milkshake machine.

You hadn’t seen Colson in almost six months, both of you busy with different things. The last time you’d hung out was during his New Year’s Eve party and honestly, half of that night was its own blur.

“How’ve you been pretty lady?” he asked, walking over to you.

You looked up at him, taking in the drastically different look he was sporting. His hair was fluffier than you’d ever seen it, poofing up at the tops. As he tucked his wallet back in, you spotted the designs done on his nails & smiled a little.

“Busy! It feels like the phone never stops ringing,” you laughed out, fingers sliding on the counter.

For some reason, you felt the inkling of something fluttering in your stomach. You didn’t know what it was, but the concept of having a crush on your best friend’s brother figure didn’t sound good to you. So you willed yourself out of it before speaking again, “How bout you rockstar?”

“Can’t complain here,” he moved both his hands up, waving them around in jazz hands, “Touring just ended so I’m gonna probably go crash in bed for the next few days.”

“I caught your Miami show that day!” you exclaimed as his face suddenly became puzzled.

“You were in Miami and you didn’t tell us?” he asked, voice pitching higher as the question fell out of his mouth.

“No,” you laughed again, waving him off, “my assistant went and she eagerly sent me a few hundred videos of you guys doing your thing.”

He smiled at that, hand running through the messy hair before turning towards the counter, grabbing his fries. A second later, your milkshake came out and you picked it up, eyes catching the clock on the wall. You should’ve been back in the office a couple of minutes ago.

“Hey, do you wanna come around to the store? If you’re free that is,” you offered, as he walked ahead of you to a table.

“Oh dude yeah! That’d be dope, I wanna see your genius creations,” he gushed, plopping onto a seat.

You hesitated at the table before deciding it would just be easier to eat here anyway, less of a mess to clean up later. You knew that Sarah, your assistant, would be blowing up your phone soon, but you sat down anyway.

You’d missed him you realized suddenly as he rambled on about a tour story. One you’d probably end up hearing again from Baze anyway. It was weird, missing Colson when you guys weren’t that close anyways.

You’d been there for the big moments, but always as Baze’s friend first, and you wondered when that’d turned into being Colson’s friend too.

Flashing back to the last tour, you remembered sneaking out with Kells right before shows, getting high in bathrooms together, even making smoothies at 3am, waking up the rest of the guys as you blended away different mixtures. Maybe that’s when the scale had tipped, and why he seemed so at ease around you, legs stretched out, foot kicking against your ankles.

“Y/N, dude your phone!!” he emphasized, hand knocking at your arm as you clicked back into action.

“Oh shit,” you mumbled before picking it off the tabletop.

There were 2 missed calls and four very angry texts and you stood up, not wanting to lose the week off you had leveraged with Sarah. You were the manager, but she was much more organized and often kept you on track.

“That’s my assistant. C’mon we can finish your story at the store,” you uttered, grabbing your untouched milkshake as you left the crowded diner.

“Yo can I leave my car here?” he asked, stumbling behind you.

You nodded, knowing that his car wouldn’t get towed anytime soon as you sped past the few stores to get into your own.

He matched your pace, and soon you both were stepping in, his eyes lighting up at your outfits lining up the front.

“Woah,” he breathed out as you spotted Sarah in the office.

“Sorry, sorry I got caught up. What’s up?” you ran over to her, making sure to place your milkshake on the table away from your company computer.

“Finally! The fabric company’s on the line, something about the lace you ordered? I didn’t get what outfit they were talking about,” she uttered, handing over the phone as she moved out of the way.

“Oh fuck, the off-white one?” you asked as she nodded, and you groaned before picking up the phone.

“Hi Mr.Hand, So sorry to keep you waiting. What’s the situation looking like,” you started, grabbing your chair before you settled into your desk.

As the company started describing statistics, your eyes wandered, seeing Colson walk around the little store you had. He was peering at every outfit, the shirts put out, and you stopped yourself from grinning as he ran his hands over the chained pants you’d created this morning.

Within a second, Sarah was on him, and you stifled a laugh as she fell quiet, staring at him. He smiled, introducing himself with a handshake and you saw her physically shake off the nerves as she went on her sales pitch.

Within ten minutes, you’d fixed the issue, bringing up the idea of another distributor sneakily in order to sweeten the deal. Dropping the phone back, you pushed off your seat, picking up your shake.

Sipping at it, you groaned a little at the taste of it all, relieved that it was still good after waiting. Colson was sitting near the counters, swiveling around on the seats as Sarah fiddled behind it.

“Sorry bout that, things are kinda insane now,” you offered, walking up to where he was. He swirled around once more, before planting his feet, looking up at you.

“Nah, you’re all good. This is really fucking cool,” he praised and you smiled at his words, trying not to revel in them too much.

“I see you’ve met Sarah,” you motioned and she looked up awkwardly, giving you eyes before smiling at him.

“Yeah, hope Y/N hasn’t been driving you too crazy,” he said, knowing that you guys had just opened.

“Other than not letting us come in hungover, she’s been good,” Sarah scoffed, regret immediately flowing on her face as she caught your eye.

You laughed, letting her know that it was okay and she eased up a little as Colson continued, “Hungover? I’ve seen her much worse, believe me, the rule’s kept for a good reason.”

You shoved his shoulder and he moved a little, chair still swiveling around. Getting up, he moved back over to the pants you’d laid out this morning and Sarah took the opportunity to lean over, whispering, “Machine Gun Kelly just comes waltzing into our store?”

You scrunched up your face before whispering back, “Yeah total accident. I didn’t even know he was in the area.”

You both looked over at him as he picked up the pants, viewing them closer before he moved over to the full-length mirror standing in the side of the store.

“I can take things over for tonight, you know? Like if you wanna go hang with him?” Sarah offered, taking in the way your gaze lingered on him for a half a second more.

“No, it’s okay. I already have you working all day next week. I don’t wanna add more into it,” you murmured, watching Colson pose, hands gripping onto the pants out of the corner of your eye.

“Oh shut up Y/N. You’re still young, go enjoy your 20s bitch,” Sarah uttered back, trying not to laugh at the way your eyes widened.

“You sure?” you asked, trying not to let the happiness take over your face.

“Yeah. I mean it, go hang,” she smiled, and you grabbed her face, smacking a kiss on her cheek.

“I owe you everything,”’ you whispered and she blushed it off, clearing her throat as Colson walked back over.

“I kinda wanna buy these,” he said, holding the chained pants up, and you raised an eyebrow.

Within minutes, Sarah had completed the purchase and eagerly hinted at you being free until you had thrown a look, begging her to stop.

“So I’m guessing you’re free for the rest of the day?” he had asked, laughing as you rolled your eyes.

“I guess I am. You got anything in mind?” you mumbled, packing in your purse.

“You wanna come over? I know the guys been missing you,” he said, and you licked your lips, deciding to test the waters.

“Just the guys? I thought I was special Colson,” you mockingly stated, hand clutching at your heart.

“Yeah, yeah. I’ve missed you too loser,” he spoke, and you grinned as he led the way out back to his car.

Walking into the house, you were immediately hit with the smell of something baking. You couldn’t quite place it but as Colson closed the door behind him, he mumbled out, “Dub’s making baked mac,” with such a fondness in his tone that you laughed.

It took five minutes, and then you were grilling up turkey burgers with Rook, laughing as Slim offered you another shot of Patron. It felt oddly like coming home, and you soaked it in, knowing that your own house was empty and cold.

Baze was gone when you got there, and you chalked it up to the fact that he wanted to spend time with his girl. Another girl wandered around the house, easily slipping into the chaos and you felt the nerves start to build back up. Colson tracked you watching her and then he swooped in right behind you again as you flipped over a patty.

“That’s Olivia, my assistant,” he murmured into your ear, and you brushed him away, feeling way too close.

“Who said I was asking hotshot,” you whipped out at him, as he leaned against the countertop, red Solo cup in hand.

“Saw you looking,” he replied, taking a sip, smirk showing in his eyes.

“Oh yeah? What else was I looking at,” you asked, voice tilting up at him.

“That’s for me to know,” he murmured, and you scoffed as he stuck his tongue out at you, lips still wet from the drink.

Then, Baze strolled into the house, Ellie right behind him and you dropped the spatula, running over to give them both bear hugs. You could hear Colson’s laugh echoing behind you.

After dinner, you attempted to head out before realizing your car was still at work. It was a dumb move on your part and you wondered if it was worth an Uber ride or if you should just ask one of the guys to drop you off.

“Whatcha thinkin?” Rook shouted, scrolling on his phone as the music blasted through the speakers.

“If I should order an Uber!” you shouted back, cupping your hands around your mouth to get the words across. He didn’t seem to hear you, shaking his head and you sighed it off, pulling out your phone to download the app.

A second later, Kells showed up, pulling your phone out of your hands, going, “I’ll drive you back.”

You throw him a little glare, but soften up as he hands you back your phone. Following him back into his Aston, you smiled up at him grateful for the ride. Next week was going to be a mess.

taglist: @iamdorka @no-shxt-sherl @bakerkells @findingmyths @rosegoldrichie @mayaslifeinabox @itjustkindahappenedreally @hnbtx @backoftheroomandnotbelonging @nowhereiswhereibelong

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angelyuji · 5 years ago

Text

BAU - Types of Yandere

ive gotten back into my weird yandere phase and ive seen literally no yandere bau so ive decided to make my own headcanons on them ;) im gonna do the og team + tara lewis, since im only on season 11. i’m not gonna do anything nsfw unless requested. enjoy!

TW // DARK THEMES, ABUSE, GASLIGHTING, JUST BAD THINGS!! i do not condone any of this behavior!!! this is just for fictional purposes!!!!!

Spencer Reid:

calculated, resourceful, patient, emotional/extremely jealous

he’s gonna fall fast. u could literally do one nice thing for him and hes hooked.

he’ll watch u for sure, pictures of u will cover some secret area in his house

he won’t try to kidnap u, unless he feels like he has no choice.

u get a gf/bf? he’ll panic and grab u.

remember: he has an iq of 184. hes smart smart, so he’ll probably get away with ur kidnapping

if he has u,he’ll be patient then too. probably lock you up in a closet or empty room till uve calmed down.

if u calm down and pretend to love him, he’ll honest-to-god be the best boyfriend

he’ll read to u and treat u like a literal queen, with limitations, of course... until u earn his trust

hes literally the smartest babie so he knows how to break u if u dont listen or if ur trying to escape

good luck trying to escape becuz ur in the hands of a genius and he probably has plans to either: a) prevent u from escaping or b) bring u back if u escape.

Aaron Hotchner:

resourceful, sadist, calculated, strategic

he probably met u at a coffee place or at the park, ur gonna talk and he’ll be smitten but the way u interact with jack will make or break his obsession

if ur good with jack, then ur done. ur his now. sorry i dont make the rules.

if ur bad/not good ig? with jack, then he’ll slowly distance himself and u’ll be free :)

holy shit, he does not mess around

unlike spencer, hotch has social skills lol

he’ll probably try to get close to u and then show his true colors slowly.start showing, very very manipulative

if u start dating, he’ll rush for u to move in and try to get u to slowly only depend on him and only him.

if u don’t fall in love, he’ll maintain distance and slowly integrate himself into ur life until he is THE most important person in ur life.

if u end up dating someone else, he’ll try to get u to break up with them and try to make them seem like a bad person.

if this person is ur eNdGaMe, ur gf/bf might end up dying in a weird accident and ur going to wake up in hotch’s spare guest bedroom, tied up on the bed. sooo... sorry.

anyway, once hotch has kidnapped u, there is a 50/50 chance u can escape successfully, but in the end, u’ll be back in hotch’s manipulative arms in no time.

jack will be the no.1 manipulation tactic. ex.”jack sees you like a mom,u can’t leave him”

if u do escape, good luck staying low, hotch will find u no matter where u are on the globe.

Derek Morgan:

sadist, quick tempered, manipulative, quick-witted

morgan has literally one of the best social skills on the team.

u are his gf/bf. u have fallen for him. there is literally no way in hell u didn’t

he is the king of smooth (lol thats the dumbest shit ive ever written)

but like once u guys are dating, he’ll start controlling you.

he doesn’t have to manipulate you becuz ur just gonna listen to what he says

if he tells u to stop talking to ur friends, ur going to stop talking to ur friends

if he tells u to not wear that dress, ur not wearing that dress

morgan doesn’t have to kidnap you becuz you’ll willingly move in with him becuz he’ll make u dependent on him and only him

there is no chance you’ll escape becuz u’ve been gaslighted into being his

sorry babie, you’re out of luck.

David Rossi:

listen, out of all the cm cast, i cannot see rossi as a yandere. maybe like a platonic parental figure yandere but like...romantically? ill write for both tho lol

manipulative, phD in gaslighting, toxic, obsessive

Platonic:

he is a helicopter parent on STEROIDS

you wanna go out with ur friends? who are they, what are their names, where do they live? what are their parents names, address, and contact number?

if rossi doesn’t like any of ur friends? holy shit don’t even bother asking to go out, you’ll only get him mad.

toxic parenting TO THE MAX

literally if u don’t listen to what he says, he’ll shame u and degrade you. ex: “you’re so stupid, y/n! didn’t i tell you to put the dishes in the dishwasher AFTER rinsing them? Do you not have a brain in there?”

he’ll try to not physically hurt you, but if push comes to shove *shrug*

if ur 18, honestly fucking RUN. get into a college as far away as you can and get a job vastly different from his. so you’ll never cross paths

rossi will check in tho at least once every day

if anyone’s bothering you? you won’t see them again

ur boss is being a dick? he won’t be at work tomorrow or ever again.

if u decide to go back home, don’t bother getting a ticket back cuz once you go back to rossi, there is no going back.

Romantic:

parent rossi but romantic instead of platonic basically lol

manipulative, toxic, obsessive, abusive

he’s controlling, emotionally and mentally abusive

god, hes awful

he will make u feel like shit for wanting to hang out with someone else or if you want to leave his mansion

he’ll make u feel like he’s the only one for you.

ex:”no one else will love you like i do” or “who will anyone love you? ur a mess you shouldn’t even be outside!”

you can try escaping, since he’s gone and he “trusts” you to stay home, but there is 89.99% chance you’ll be caught.

Penelope Garcia:

sensitive, jealous, emotional, possessive

omggg yall are probably friends at first

so easily jealous abt e v e r y t h i n g

you can mention how you had brunch with a couple friends. “are they better than me? u never have brunch with me? why do u always hang out with them?”

god forbid you try to defend urself, “are you mad at me?” immediate tears.

then ur apologizing instead of her.

if ur dating? she tracks everything, ur phone, bank accs, where u are, what u watch. (incognito is ur best friend)

but even then,she knows everything ur doing,no matter the time of day

you can easily escape Penelope tho

shes not out in the field much, so as long as u stay off the grid, you’ll be safe.

the only person she trusts you with is the BAU team, so if you escape

be warned that they’re going to look for you too.

Jennifer Jareau:

possessive, obsessive, kind, deceptive

she’s a mild one honestly

she treats you well, and asks you out + dates you like a normal person

but sis believes that u are the only one for her

if you try to break up, “YOU CAN’T LEAVE ME. ILL DIE WITHOUT YOU”

of course, thats not true, but you can’t risk it.

jj is probably the safest one to be with, she won’t endanger anyone unless she has no other option.

you won’t need to escape either, you have freedom and everything in a normal relationship.

you just can’t leave. thats all.

Emily Prentiss:

obsessive, protective, strategic, patient

holy shit, emily is the worst. like jj, she’ll let you have your freedom

you can go out, but emily comes with, she chooses what you wear, and where you go.

“youre going to wear that? are you sure? cuz that color makes you look fat. you should wear that one dress i got you.”

“baby, stop wearing make-up, you look like a whore.”

“the beach? ill come too. i can’t trust you to take of yourself.”

you probably met at a club and clicked

if you try to break up, “you want to break up? go ahead, leave. who would want you, other than me? you’re pathetic and stupid. no one would ever date you.”

she’ll break you down till you only depend on her, so don’t bother to escape.

you won’t have the will to try anyway

Tara Lewis:

mild, protective, calculative, gaslighting

honestly, tara is the last person i see as a yandere, but she’ll be a lot like jj

she’ll give you freedom and everything in a normal relationship, except if you don’t listen her.

tara is controlling as hell, so if you disrespect her or don’t listen, she’ll break you down and make you question your own sanity.

she’s incredibly protective and she plans like 20 steps ahead (a lot like spencer)

be a good gf/bf, and tara will be good back

be disobedient, and you’ll regret it

if you plan right, you can escape.

tara has to be out of town and you would have to be in her good graces to be allowed out when shes gone, but if the stars have aligned in your favor... you have a small chance of escaping

if she didn’t get help watching over you from the team.

thanks for reading! hope you liked! I take yandere requests as well as normal character requests! nsfw/sfw are both okay!

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jeonjeonggukenergy · 5 years ago

Text

Anti-Hero

summary ~ in search of wine at a party that’s so not your scene, you run into jungkook, the weeb from your film class, and become determined to learn just how much he lives up to his big reputation.

pairing ~ jungkook x reader

genre ~ fluff, smut (coming in ch3!) - college!au

wordcount ~ 2.3k

warnings ~ pretty much n/a, mentions of drinking and light smut

a/n ~ v excited for these lil dorks! i thought about combining this with the upcoming chapter but it felt right on its own and i wanted to go ahead and post an update for yall haha. ch 3 will most definitely have some serious smut to look forward to 👀 thank yall for reading, i love and appreciate any form of support or feedback so so much, so feel free to msg me or send me an ask abt whatever you want! 🥰 hope u enjoy this chapter!!!

previous: chapter 1 ~ next: chapter 3 | chapter 4 (coming soon!)

~ read on ao3 ~

CHAPTER 2 ~ cowboy bebop & chill

You couldn't stop thinking about Jungkook. Every time you brought the enamel of your favorite mug to your lips, teeth knocking the rim as you exhaled to cool off your tea, it called back the click of his earrings in your mouth. Whenever you reached behind your ear to tuck away the hair you'd impulsively cropped to your chin this year, it hit the same spot you'd sucked into a bruise on his neck and you shivered. Even your slight headache thanks to the shitty vodka from the pregame reminded you of the wine you'd sought out from him in the first place and never fucking got to drink.

You found yourself reading over your responses to each other's discussion posts from your film class, trying to find any more justification for this sudden crush than the drunken flirtation that mortified you as soon as you remembered it sober. He did seem to like your directness...but you could easily ascribe that to his similarly loosened-up state. Scanning through your reflections on The Shawshank Redemption and Casablanca, you painstakingly overanalyzed every smiley face and "I loved that part too!" Could he have been into you at all before this? Or had he just eyed you for another quick fuck at a party? Shit, what if he hated you for working him up and then leaving? If he wanted to, you knew he would have easily found someone else to finish the night with. But what if he still held it against you? The image of him bitterly turning aside to find another girl in the crowd, with your hickey still fresh on his jaw, turned your stomach more than you wanted to admit.

Shaking your head with a grounding exhale, you reminded yourself that whoever else he did or didn't hook up with was none of your business. Plus, he seemed like a genuinely nice guy and probably didn't hate you in the first place. Wow, the bar really was so fucking low. Maybe that was part of the reason you were never that bold with boys. Every classmate you'd fallen for so far at college had remained innocently unaware of your feelings, likely because you never worked up the courage to clearly express them. You hadn't even been trying this time, though—this semester had been so busy you'd barely had time for your friends, much less crushes. And now your one blowoff class had become your biggest distraction.

Jungkook, a communications & media major, couldn't afford to lose as much focus in this class as you. Normally near front-and-center, he sat all the way in the corner of the last row, wary of imaginary stares burning through the hopefully-opaque-enough curtain of his hair. Even the risk of zoning out staring at the back of your head stressed him out less than the thought of you doing the same to him.

You walked into class through the back right entrance today so you'd pass Jungkook in the front row, though you could have gone straight to your usual left-side seat from the main door. Knowing you'd never summon the courage to talk to him, you still couldn't help wanting to see his face. You didn't know just what you were looking for—some kind of confirmation or dismissal that would let you just move on with your dry-ass life—but any reason to catch a glimpse of Jungkook was a good one. Today, though, he sat far closer to the entrance than you'd expected, and his proximity stopped you in your tracks a few feet behind him. Eyes dragging down the sculpted form under his soft black sweatsuit, your stare traced the veins in his forearms to reach the hands in his lap. Catching a half-page cartoon ass in your view of the manga he gazed at intently, a snort-laugh escaped you, the sound setting him on high alert. He snapped the book shut, spinning around with eyes wide and still-long hair an understandable mess for a Monday.

"I'm so—"

"I'm so sorry!"

You both shoved out the words at the same time.

A pause swelled between you, eye contact maintained as your mouths fluttered open and shut like fish. Even awkward and off-guard like this, he was just so damn pretty. It felt unreasonable for him to seem as flustered around you as you were around him. Finally, you spoke again, solely to force the conversation forward and put you both out of your misery.

"W-what do you have to be sorry for? I'm the one who, like—ugh, I was drunk, I'm so sorry, I never would have been so, yknow, if I was sober, like that's not me I promise, I really didn't mean to make you uncomfortable or—"

"No-no-no-no-no!" Jungkook cut you off, dismissing your barely intelligible apology. Before you could cut him off in return and continue, he held up both hands between you, his eyebrows knit together in a pleading expression. "Are you kidding me? Seriously, I feel so bad, I was kind of drunk too, I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable! Please, you have nothing to worry about, it was, uh...I was...good...if...you were." He grew shyer as he continued, drifting off as a hand reached back to rub his neck. A light laugh. "You did make me have to keep my hair long for another few days, though. It's gotten so annoying to take care of, I was planning on cutting it right after the costume."

This admission perked up all your earlier curiosities about him, and a cautious smile spread over your face as Jungkook unconsciously reminded you that he was, in fact, a total dork, rather than the fuckboy you'd irrationally feared him to be.

"Wait, hold up," you snorted again. Gently. "You're telling me you grew out your hair for three, maybe four, months...for a Cowboy Bebop costume?"

"Hey, it was free and way less lame than a wig," he defended himself. Crossing his arms over his chest, he fidgeted uncomfortably, face blushing into a grin as you continued to giggle at him.

"You are such a fucking weeb," you accused lightheartedly.

Jungkook furrowed his brows back together, an anxious hand grazing the spot where you'd marked him again. "Well, you recognized my Spike costume, at least," he pouted. "You're not all innocent."

"I watched one episode with my friend, and it was dubbed," you downplayed. "Isn't watching dubs instead of subs a crime for real anime fans?"

"Actually," his eyes lit up at your rhetorical question. "The dub of Cowboy Bebop is excellent. It's pretty universally considered better than watching the OG with subs. You're right though, that is the general rule."

"Oh man, who knew." Looking down, grinning, you tried to hide how endeared you were by his earnestness. "Well, it was pretty cool, not gonna lie. I guess I kind of get the appeal."

"Would you want to start watching the rest sometime? That's one I just never get tired of," he blurted, then blushed, closing his mouth and working his lips between his teeth as his eyes stayed wide and on you. Jungkook's heart accelerated in his chest, a fist opening and closing at his hip as he tried to decide whether he regretted taking a chance on the question.

You instantly diverted all your mental energy from hoping he couldn't sense your attraction to massively overthinking your response. This was a "Netflix and chill" kind of invite, right? If he wanted you, of course you wanted him, but you had to be sure before you did something else stupid and risked having to find another discussion board buddy.

"Um...yeah, sure," you accepted. "I have to ask, though, do you mean, like...Cowboy Bebop and chill?" You raised an eyebrow, trying to look bolder than you felt. "Or...Cowboy Bebop and just...Cowboy Bebop?"

"I..." Mirroring your playful grin, Jungkook shrugged, not wanting to look like a fuckboy if he answered with the first option but also wondering—were you actually interested in watching this anime with him? The possibility puzzled him, the same way it confused you how he could go bold and then back to his shy weeb-ass self within seconds. You shrugged too, with an anxious exhale of a laugh.

"That was...weird to just say like that, sorry. We can just see where it goes, whatever you want," you backtracked, full of faux-nonchalance. The Google Calendar schedule on your phone suddenly became very interesting. "We could do another day if that works for you, but I'm free after this class once I write my discussion post—I don't have any other homework or meetings today for once."

He nodded quickly, eyebrows up. Swallowing, Jungkook saw the opportunity to show a little more initiative and seized it. "We could do that together even, 'cause we usually jump off each other anyway. So you can come over right after class if you want." He glanced up and to the left for a quick mental inventory. "Oh shit, wait, but I seriously need to clean my apartment first, can we do more like dinner time tonight? You can just come over for ramen or takeout if you want, or eat first or whatever."

"Yeah, that's fine!" you agreed warmly. "Ramen and homework, two birds with one scone. I should probably, like...get your number? So you can send me your address when you're ready or something?" You didn't want to sound too desperate, especially since you knew he was used to it, but you found yourself weirdly excited to experience something he so obviously loved. If you got dicked down too, even better, but you were definitely willing to wait on that part, especially now that this first sober conversation had restored your inhibitions. He had this slightly shy sweetness about him that just made you want to make him happy somehow. You wanted to see more of his cheesy little smile. You wanted to hear the bright laugh that occasionally rang out at the most inappropriate times, during Citizen Kane or attendance. You wanted to watch his light pink lips fall open in bliss as you kissed down his sensitive neck to the trim of his worn-in hoodie...

"Yeah sure, here." The quick touch of his hand over yours snapped you out of your thoughts as he took your phone, ready to type in his number, and—

"Wait, did you say 'two birds with one scone'? Not 'one stone'?"

You blushed furiously. Somehow him calling you out on your quirks embarrassed you more than the indecent daydream he'd interrupted. "Okay, so I saw this tweet a while back where they said 'feed two birds with one scone' to replace 'kill two birds with one stone,' I think it was just some vegan troll being all like 'don't talk about killing birds!' but it stuck with me because I just really fucking love scones."

"You...really fucking love scones?" he repeated in slight sarcasm, eyes down on your phone. You grew even shyer, but continued.

"Yeah, I bake a lot and they're my favorite thing to make. The flavor possibilities are endless and they last for days so I just keep them on hand for breakfast and snacks and to give out to friends. And they go with tea, which is my other favorite thing." Ooh, was he a tea person? Should you bring some tonight? Something earthy, to go with your ramen. Your go-to green sencha, or maybe chrysanthemum? Chamomile?

Jungkook held your phone back out in front of you, but waited silently for you to notice, enjoying the view of wheels turning in your head as you pondered tea pairings. This was the you he was used to, daydreaming in class and going on tangents as dorky as his in discussions. Even from a distance, he'd noticed you consistently gave off a vibe somewhere between absentminded professor and grandma, and this confirmation made you even cuter to him. But the hair still falling over his ears wouldn't let him forget his new physical proof of another side to you.

You finally collected your phone with a mumbly "Oh right, yeah, cool, thanks," that you prayed sounded more chill to him than it did to you.

"I just texted myself, so I have your number too now, and I'll just send you my address when I'm ready, and, uh...yeah!" he rambled a bit in response.

You nodded, confirming. "I'll see you tonight!"

"Yeah, see you tonight."

Jungkook watched you walk to your desk, silently admiring your ass and allowing himself only a moment to savor the memory of half of it filling his hand. A strange nervousness tingled through him. He hadn't been able to stop thinking about you all weekend either, and now he had a chance to get closer to you than ever before. He hoped, more than he could remember hoping for anything else, that this would go well, one way or another. He had no idea what you wanted with him, but you had him questioning everything he'd thought he wanted. Easing open his laptop, he pulled up your last discussion board response to him, signed off with a smiley face but backwards.

I like the way you think. (:

He turned his head to read it right-side-up, letting his face scrunch into a smile you wouldn't see.

Meanwhile, though the film thrilled you, you struggled to stay facing forward for the duration of class. You suspected the plot of Rear Window was simply unsettling you, but you swore you could feel Jungkook's eyes on your back. No, he was probably actually watching the movie as usual, or reading his manga if not. You were definitely just being paranoid. Definitely. Probably. Right?

next chapter

#jungkook x reader #jungkook smut #jungkook fluff #jungkook x reader smut #bts smut #bts fic #college!jungkook #college au!jungkook #bts college au #jungkook #jeon jungkook #bts jungkook #jungkook imagine #bts imagine #bts fanfic #jungkook fanfic #my writing #anti-hero #anti hero

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